When Your Woman Cheats

The following is an excerpt from the book, Why Women Cheat, which can be found at http://whywomencheat.com

Although the discovery of an affair is a very traumatic experience, the good thing is that the discovery, itself, extinguishes the flame. In other words, THE DISCOVERY OF AN AFFAIR ALWAYS TAKES AWAY its ATTRACTIVENESS!! When the affair was unknown to you, your wife and the other man held it silently and secretly. Of course, the silence and secrecy is what fueled the affair. Once the affair was discovered 90% of its enchantment was removed. Marriages begin their repair only when the secret of an affair is out in the open, and the wife does not need to hide her infidelity any longer. However, if the affair is still going on behind the husband's back, the secrecy and silence continues.

The affair itself was not infidelous in the marriage, as much as the dishonesty of it was—the infidelity is not necessarily in the physical sex or in the emotional bonding, but in the dishonesty and secrecy. For instance, married swingers have an open relationship, having sex openly with other people outside of their marriage, without dishonesty and therefore without betrayal or infidelity. Infidelity lies in disloyalty and dishonesty. A secret lunch or telephone call may be considered infidelous enough to prevent true intimacy in a relationship, whereas a consenting couple swapping partners with another couple may not be if both parties know and approve.

If the affair was infidelous and veiled in secrecy it is an extremely emotionally charged event for the husband upon its discovery. Once the betrayed husband discovers the affair he may scream; yell; threaten; cry; or even tear up the family home. He will feel ashamed; self-blaming; indignant; humiliated; shocked; furious; defeated; belittled; or outraged—a few betrayed husbands go into a rage of which they never recover from, exiting the marriage, and perhaps all relationships thereafter, too. Some men may even feel suicidal or murderous. Not surprising since his whole stable world has just been ripped out from under him, and his marriage and image of his beloved wife torn asunder. His male ego may become so damaged that it may be likely he'll never recover even a fraction of his self-esteem.

However, it's very normal for him to be irrational and emotional. He may cry easily, get withdrawn, or scream out and be aggressive...basically his emotions will flip-flop from one extreme to another. He may be hypervigilant one minute, wanting to check cell phones and handbags and coat pockets and emails and panties and the mileage on her car, and the next minute detached and apathetic.

He will have flashbacks of experiences that he can only imagine at the most unusual moments, like hearing a song on the radio and wondering if they listened to that same song together. He will obsess over the details of the affair, hashing and rehashing. And he will have ugly mental images of his wife with another man playing over and over again in his mind. But, too, even during this emotional roller coaster most husbands will quickly hunker down and begin the effort to do whatever he has to do to salvage his marriage, and to pull his wife from the arms of another. Marriage can survive a wife's infidelity, if the infidelity is stopped, brought into the open, and dealt with on mature level.

Want to find out the real reason why women cheat? For answers to this question please visit Why Women Cheat at http://whywomencheat.com or for help with any breakup or relationship issue, please visit The Lifted Hearts Support Forums & Community at http://liftedhearts.com

The above article is an excerpt from the book, Why Women Cheat. The book can be found at http://whywomencheat.com

Article published by Glass Slipper publishing, the Breakup Gurus. For more breakup advice and forums please join us at the Lifted Hearts Breakup Support Forums & Community at http://liftedhearts.com.