Unless you are one of those fortunate few who met their soulmate in grade school, married right out of high school, and spent the next 60 years in wedded bliss you are going to go through what millions before you have gone through, and what millions after you will go through - a broken heart. The pain experienced during a breakup is as individual as the millions of people who go through it. While some simply shake the dust off and get right back into the dating game, others are left so devastated that they never date again, spending the rest of their life in bitter solitude. Why the difference? Could some of us just be stronger than others? Do some people love harder than others? Are some loves more connected than others?

For most of us who experience a breakup a normal grieving period will occur: Denial and Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and finally Acceptance. But for some, the grief and devastation are so severe that they end up hospitalized, and even suicidal. Others remain either bitter or so afraid of getting hurt that they never date again, closing off their hearts to just about everyone. Yet, some don't even grieve at all, subconsciously choosing to simply transfer their feelings for one person immediately onto that of another person in what is called a rebound relationship.

Why the variation? Well, a lot of it has to do with our loving style. There are many loving styles ranging from the very healthy, to the desperately needy. While one person may love another in a supportive and healthy way, another person may cling onto their mate simply as a way to fix what they imagine to be wrong with themselves. They use their partner as a method of dealing with their own imagined inadequacies or feelings of unworthiness - feeling good only as long as they are in the relationship. Others simply like the 'high' of being in love. This high becomes addictive to them and they hop from one relationship instantly into another - often times head-over-heels in love by the second date. They recklessly seek 'love' much as an addict will seek a 'fix', and are often so in need of being in love that they imagine their partners to have all the qualities they are looking for in a mate - whether their partners actually possess these qualities or not. Still others simply surrender themselves into their relationships quickly losing themselves and their own sense of individuality, becoming 'the relationship'. Should the relationship end, then shall they, too.

A healthy view of oneself, one's partner, and one's relationship is essential to withstanding the ups, and downs, in our eternal search for that special someone to share our lives with.

Tigress Luv

For more information about getting over the pain of breakup, please read How to Get Over a Breakup, by Tigress Luv, the Breakup Guru.

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