FALL OUT OF LOVE? IMPOSSIBLE!


In my last newsletter I compared the grief of a breakup to that of the grief of a death of a loved one. I spoke that grief for one whom we have lost through death was socially acceptable, but that most people frowned on grieving over a breakup. I also talked about how when one dies they do not purposefully and intentionally withdraw their love and affection from you as one does when they walk out or abandon you and your relationship.

One subscriber emailed that when she had gone through her breakup she did not receive the sympathy that she would have had her loved one died. She said, "It is so frustrating! There are so many more feelings involved when you are left alone and feel the loss of someone who wanted to leave. You also cannot put pictures up of that person and it be socially acceptable!"

This puts one who is grieving over the intentional abandonment of their partner in a very difficult position. First off, this subscriber is dead-on right. You are not 'allowed' to put up pictures, make a shrine, have a memorial for closure, or feel the empathetic and sympathetic support of others. This forces us to try to 'fall out of love' with someone, which is an impossible feat. You cannot force yourself to not love someone anymore than you can force yourself to love someone. Love is a natural emotional reaction to another in our life, and not an object or a substance that you can just 'return' or toss out.

Unfortunately, but ironically, the more you try to force yourself to 'fall out of love' with someone the more you will actually love that very person. It's a sad trick that our heart and our mind play on us.

When we are not allowed to grieve after a breakup it leaves us in a position of feeling that we should just 'stop' loving them now that the relationship has come to a close. Well-meaning friends and family may innocently say things like, 'get over it', 'move on', or 'he/she was never good enough for you anyway'. They don't mean any harm; they only mean to help. But their words just make it worse!

The best thing - and the wisest thing - you can do is to just totally accept that you are in love with your ex and that you may always be in love with your ex. Stop trying to 'fall out of love' and bring the love back into your heart. Your heart is a huge place and can hold many different loves for many different people. You don't have to stop loving someone just because you are no longer romantically involved with him or her.

Accepting the fact that you love your ex doesn't mean that you will never get over the pain of losing them! In fact, the acceptance actually helps you get 'through' the grief and on your way to a sunnier day. So go ahead and love them. It's okay!

~~~~~

As usual, my readers are entitled to join the Brokenheartsville Break Up Support Community at a special, reduced rate at http://brokenheartsville.com

For more information on the getting over a breakup and going through changes please visit my site: http://overabreakup.com

Section 2

Today's Inspiration, Poem or Quote:

"One love isn't all consuming, but one heartbreak can be. "~ Tigress Luv, The Breakup Guru

Today's Prayer or Thought:

"When dealing with grief remember that grief is like a tunnel. You can't go 'around' it, you can't skip 'over' it; you must go through it. There is a light at the end of this tunnel. Trust me on that one." ~ Tigress Luv, The Breakup Guru.

Just a reminder that our Brokenheartsville Community has room for you! Membership is only $19 to YOU at http://brokenheartsville.com !

Thank you for reading this week's newsletter! As always, I welcome feedback and new ideas for future newsletters.

Have a great week everyone!

Tiggy

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For more information about getting over the pain of breakup, please read How to Get Over a Breakup, by Tigress Luv, the Breakup Guru.

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