The Three Stages of
Mending a Broken Heart
By Dorothy Thompson
Youve been dumped. Short
of throwing yourself off the nearest bridge, you resort to hiding in your
bed for days, comforted only by the fact that at least you have a years
supply of Moonpies by your bedside and your answering machine is on the alert
in the hopeful case that your once loved one might call and beg to have you
Only, that call never comes and that
box of Moonpies? Its a constant reminder that the emptier it gets,
the more bloated you are. But, you dont care. You wish the earth would
open you up and swallow you whole. Sound familiar?
Cases like this happens everyday.
Falling in love has its risks and
youve just experienced it first hand. You want your life back but
dont know the first thing about how to get out of that black cloud
that hovers over you, or even finding the energy to do it.
What do you do?
Acknowledge the fact that you have
to go through three different stages during a break-up. Once you realize
this, you can chart your progress and see that its only a short trip
STAGE ONE OF A BROKEN HEART The Hurting
Symptoms: This is the hurting
stage. Its where you are now. Its your hearts way of telling
you that you have just experienced the worse kind of hurt there is. You cry,
youre depressed and you have no idea how you are going to live without
him/her. You leave messages on his answering machine and text him to the
point where you are becoming psycho. You drive by his house in the wee early
morning to see if his vehicle is still at his house or he is gulp
off with another woman. You drive by where he works and contemplate
going in and crying your eyeballs out to let him know this has hurt you beyond
repair. You either eat tremendous amounts of comfort food or you dont
eat at all and your health suffers. You cry on your co-workers shoulders
and hope they can help you get out of this mess. You are, essentially, gone
and a hopeless mess.
How to cope: Now more than ever
would be a good time to hang out with friends and watch a few comedies, even
though you just arent up to it. Rekindle family relationships. Talk
to older family members about how they met their husbands/wives and how they
coped with troubled relationships. Gain insight from them. Try to remember
things that brought you happiness. Was it a bike ride through the countryside?
A trip to the beach even in the cold of winter just to watch the waves lap
against the shore? How about that closet that is in desperate need of
rearranging/cleaning/sorting? Now is the time to focus on you.
You have to acknowledge that this is
the normal process of grieving a relationship that has died. Nothing can
really help at this point because as with the death of a loved one, this
is the same feeling. Its a natural process. Give it time and remember
that soon you will enter the second stage.
THE SECOND STAGE OF A BROKEN HEART The Getting
Symptoms: Remarkably, when your
heart begins to heal, your hurt turns to anger. What nerve he/she had to
dump me! You vow youre going to make his/her life a living hell as
long as you are alive. You start dating. Only, these are rebounds. Rebound
relationships most times happen in this second stage. Some last, but most
do not for the simple reason that you will do anything in your power to inflict
pain on the one who did it to you.
How to cope: Once you get to
this stage, youre halfway there. Even though anger is not a healthy
feeling to have, it is a normal reaction after youve gotten over the
feeling of hurt. However, instead of going postal and risk the chance you
may do something youll regret later, take his/her picture and throw
darts at it. Burn love letters. Finalize the break-up by getting rid of
everything you have of his/hers. But keep in mind that years from now,
youll wish you did have some kind of remembrance of the relationship
because its all part of your life history. Whatever you do keep, look
at it as a symbol of how well you did cope and can look at the relationship
as a learning experience.
STAGE THREE OF A BROKEN HEART The Not Giving
a Damn Stage
Symptoms: You wake up one morning
and ask yourself what you saw in this person in the first place. Nothing
he/she does now bothers you. In fact, you are happy he/she has left because
you are ready now to form new relationships, new loves.
How to Cope: You are there.
When you hit this last stage, you have finally come to the point where you
can go on from here and form new relationships. Relationships that arent
rebound. When you finally get to this last stage, you will become the person
you once were full of happiness, hope and a quest for life.
Once you realize the three stages of
a break-up, it helps you to understand the process that is involved. Just
as it took time to fall in love, you dont just fall out of it
It helps to remember that there will
always be a tomorrow and that there is always that second chance to find
that special person who is meant to share his/her life with you. Life is
full of second, third and even more chances. So, pick up your heart, go through
the process to heal and chalk it all up to experience. Youll be glad
you did. In the words of an unknown author, Never forget what is worth
remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
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About the Author:
© Dorothy Thompson
Dorothy Thompson is a relationship
columnist and the editor/contributing author of "Romancing the Soul." She
is also the author of the ebook "How to Find and Keep Your Soul Mate." Dorothy
is a popular radio guest and is available for interviews. You can visit her
website at her blog at http://www.soulmateadvice.blogspot.com.
published by Tigress Luv & Glass Slipper Publishing, the Breakup Gurus. For more
breakup advice and forums please join us at the Lifted Hearts Breakup
Support Forums & Community at http://liftedhearts.com.
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