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by Tigress Luv, The Breakup Guru & by Glass Slipper Publishing

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Advice on Relationship, Breakup, Commitmentphobia, Abuse, Codependency, Narcissist and Narcissism, Breaking Up, Poetry, Poems, articles, blogs, newsletters, books and more...

Love, break up grief, and relationship issue advice for breaking up and mending a broken heart

 

Love-ignorant: When it's NEVER About You

Is Your Ex Self-Serving? Was Everything Always Only About Him or Her?...

The Self-Serving Ex

Was Your Ex Self-Serving?
By Tigress Luv

^^^^^

After my last 'relationship' (*ahem) ended I started thinking about how I gave and gave and gave ... and then gave some more. BUT, and a huge BUT, too - I couldn't think of one thing he had ever done for me. Not one stinkin' thing! Then I started thinking about this even more and I realized that I couldn't even think of one thing that he had ever done for anybody else, either, other than his boss (and we know that was strictly about job security). But seriously, in the many, many years we were together I don't remember him ever helping a friend in need at all. He never helped a friend move, or get out of trouble, or pay a bill, or get through grief, or fix a car, or remodel a bathroom ... or just plain help in any way, shape or form.

Now, when it comes to people who are self-serving I will have to admit that I am the complete opposite of it. In fact, I am pathetic! I fall apart and open my purse if I hear a stranger's hard-luck story outside of a Circle K; I cry when I watch the news and wonder how I can help; I'll go hungry to help someone else buy food; and I'd sleep on the floor if someone needed a bed ... just this last Saturday I went chasing a stray dog that was obviously struggling with the heat of the day, and had a Cholla cactus (we call them 'Jumping Cactus') that was stuck in its mouth and paw. The dog kind of staggered into a crowd of about 60 or 70 people and then slowly limped into the desert in clear view of these 60 or 70 'healthier' people as they all stood by so wrapped up in their own little world of 'self' that they didn't seem to even notice the poor dog at all. But I did.

I am about 'others' to a fault. I should actually be somewhat into placing me first and foremost at least once in my life, but I'm not! LOL! And, because of this 'flaw' of mine, I have been taken advantage of (and to the cleaners :)) on more than one occasion.

However, when two people break up, it is very common to find that one of them was totally into 'self' and one of them was not so much into 'self' as they were into the other person. Need I tell you which one grieves the most over the loss of the relationship and which one seems to 'callously' just move on with their life? That's right! Self-serving people rarely notice other people (or lost dogs) in their life - and that also includes the 'absence' of the other person, too! Consequently, the one who is self-serving barely is bothered by the break up at all. It's almost like they just don't have any time in their life to 'feel' or to waste on 'emotions'.

We can actually say that sometimes 'self-serving' is a form of denial. For instance, many people who are self-serving tend to take their successes as their own personal accomplishment, but blame their failures on outside sources or circumstances beyond their control. Self-serving people, also, tend to not see that sometimes they are selfish, ignorant, rude, uncaring, cold and oblivious. Like the narcissist, they don't 'see' their partners as real people with feelings, but rather as channels to compliment or enhance their own sense of self. They may grieve the loss of having this 'complimentary' half, but they don't have any real emotional grief that feels the sadness of a lost love or relationship, or the pain or hurt that they may have caused on another. As I have stated in previous newsletters, the one who 'gave the most' to the relationship is the one who 'needs' the relationship the most and who grieves the hardest when it is over. Therefore, it is safe to say that those who are self-serving are pre-occupied with their own well-being, happiness and interests, and not all that concerned in the well-being or happiness of other people.

In one of my reports, "How to Gain Back Your Attraction (http://winbacktheirattraction.com)" I do teach my readers that selfishness can be somewhat of an attractive trait. When you focus more on what fulfills 'you' instead of what pleases the people around you, you do gain more respect from them and you do become more attractive. When you constantly fuss over or tend to those around you, you subconsciously teach them that they are more important than you, and that everything should be about them. But, when you concentrate on you, you subconsciously force them to do so, also.

People who are givers are also the heaviest hearted. They can somehow delude themselves into thinking that giving brings them 'pleasure' much the same way smokers delude themselves into thinking that cigarettes give them pleasure... Smokers ignore all the blatant signs of poor health and the scientifically proven and factual statistics that show smoking is bad for you, and they somehow convince themselves that smoking is a 'pleasurable' experience, and one that they 'need' and enjoy. They don't inhale a cigarette thinking (realistically) 'Ugh, all these dangerous toxins I am sucking into my body', but rather they think 'Ah, I can relax and feel good now...how pleasurable this cigarette is'. Then they wonder why they can't kick the habit!

It's because they don't clearly see that smoking is not pleasurable!

'Givers' do the same thing in their relationships. They may ignore all the selfish acts and ignorant or cruel behaviors of their partner, and delude themselves into thinking that the relationship is giving them 'pleasure' and that they 'need' to be in the relationship and that their partners are good for them. Subconsciously, they may want to kick the habit, but their minds fool them into thinking that the relationship was a pleasurable experience, when, in reality, it may have been a most unpleasant experience that was shared with a self-serving partner.

This week I want each and every one of you out there to say 'no' a little more, to put yourself first a little more, to pamper yourself a little more, and to see that perhaps - just perhaps - your relationship wasn't all that 'pleasurable' or good for you. Just for this week I want you to be 'SELF-SERVING'!!!!

To learn more about self-serving partners visit my sites on Narcissism: http://breakingupwithyournarcissist.com and http://narcissistic.co

Section 2

Today's Inspiration, Poem or Quote:

"I just don't wanna see you give up on your dreams because you're holding on to the one thing that's letting you go." From the movie, 'Small Town Saturday Night'

Today's Prayer or Thought:

"Today, I'll look at the way I feel unloved or uncared for as a result of my breakup, and see if I've been rejecting myself even more than I think they did.

The more I believe that I am worthy of love and care, the less likely I will be to believe that my entire existence was based on the acceptance or rejection of one other person
." ~~Tigress Luv, The Breakup Guru

Just a reminder that our Breakup Support Forums & Community has room for you! Membership is only $19 to YOU at http://liftedhearts.com !

Thank you for reading this week's newsletter! As always, we welcome feedback and new ideas for future newsletters.

Have a great week everyone!
For more information about getting the attention you need and deserve read, How to Gain Back Your Attraction, at http://winbacktheirattraction.com

Article published by Tigress Luv & Glass Slipper Publishing, the Breakup Gurus. For more breakup advice and forums please join us at the Lifted Hearts Breakup Support Forums & Community at http://liftedhearts.com.

Stop your breakup here!




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