Your Ex Self-Serving? Was Everything Always Only About Him or Her?...
Your Ex Self-Serving?
By Tigress Luv
After my last 'relationship' (*ahem) ended I started thinking about how
I gave and gave and gave ... and then gave some more. BUT, and a huge
BUT, too - I couldn't think of one thing he had ever done for me. Not
one stinkin' thing! Then I started thinking about this even more and I
realized that I couldn't even think of one thing that he had ever done
for anybody else, either, other than his boss (and we know that was
strictly about job security). But seriously, in the many, many years we
were together I don't remember him ever helping a friend in need at
all. He never helped a friend move, or get out of trouble, or
pay a bill, or get through grief, or fix a car, or remodel a bathroom
... or just plain help in any way, shape or form.
Now, when it comes to people who are self-serving I will have to admit
that I am the complete opposite of it. In fact, I am pathetic! I fall
apart and open my purse if I hear a stranger's hard-luck story outside
of a Circle K; I cry when I watch the news and wonder how I can help;
I'll go hungry to help someone else buy food; and I'd sleep on the
floor if someone needed a bed ... just this last Saturday I went
chasing a stray dog that was obviously struggling with the heat of the
day, and had a Cholla cactus (we call them 'Jumping Cactus') that was
stuck in its mouth and paw. The dog kind of staggered into a crowd of
about 60 or 70 people and then slowly limped into the desert in clear
view of these 60 or 70 'healthier' people as they all stood by so
wrapped up in their own little world of 'self' that they didn't seem to
even notice the poor dog at all. But I did.
I am about 'others' to a fault. I should actually be somewhat into
placing me first and foremost at least once in my life, but I'm not!
LOL! And, because of this 'flaw' of mine, I have been taken advantage
of (and to the cleaners :)) on more than one occasion.
However, when two people break up, it is very common to find that one
of them was totally into 'self' and one of them was not so much into
'self' as they were into the other person. Need I tell you which one
grieves the most over the loss of the relationship and which one seems
to 'callously' just move on with their life? That's right! Self-serving
people rarely notice other people (or lost dogs) in their life - and
that also includes the 'absence' of the other person, too!
Consequently, the one who is self-serving barely is bothered by the
break up at all. It's almost like they just don't have any time in
their life to 'feel' or to waste on 'emotions'.
We can actually say that sometimes 'self-serving' is a form of denial.
For instance, many people who are self-serving tend to take their
successes as their own personal accomplishment, but blame their
failures on outside sources or circumstances beyond their control.
Self-serving people, also, tend to not see that sometimes they are
selfish, ignorant, rude, uncaring, cold and oblivious. Like the
narcissist, they don't 'see' their partners as real people with
feelings, but rather as channels to compliment or enhance their own
sense of self. They may grieve the loss of having this 'complimentary'
half, but they don't have any real emotional grief that feels the
sadness of a lost love or relationship, or the pain or hurt that they
may have caused on another. As I have stated in previous newsletters,
the one who 'gave the most' to the relationship is the one who 'needs'
the relationship the most and who grieves the hardest when it is over.
Therefore, it is safe to say that those who are self-serving are
pre-occupied with their own well-being, happiness and interests, and
not all that concerned in the well-being or happiness of other people.
In one of my reports, "How to Gain Back Your Attraction (http://winbacktheirattraction.com)" I do teach my
readers that selfishness can be somewhat of an attractive trait. When
you focus more on what fulfills 'you' instead of what pleases the
people around you, you do gain more respect from them and you do become
more attractive. When you constantly fuss over or tend to those around
you, you subconsciously teach them that they are more important than
you, and that everything should be about them. But, when you
concentrate on you, you subconsciously force them to do so, also.
People who are givers are also the heaviest hearted. They can somehow
delude themselves into thinking that giving brings
them 'pleasure' much the same way smokers delude themselves into
thinking that cigarettes give them pleasure... Smokers ignore
all the blatant signs of poor health and the scientifically proven and
factual statistics that show smoking is bad for you, and they somehow
convince themselves that smoking is a 'pleasurable' experience, and one
that they 'need' and enjoy. They don't inhale a cigarette thinking
(realistically) 'Ugh, all these dangerous toxins I am sucking into my
body', but rather they think 'Ah, I can relax and feel good now...how
pleasurable this cigarette is'. Then they wonder why they
can't kick the habit!
It's because they don't clearly see that smoking is not pleasurable!
'Givers' do the same thing in their relationships. They may ignore all
the selfish acts and ignorant or cruel behaviors of their partner, and
delude themselves into thinking that the relationship is giving them
'pleasure' and that they 'need' to be in the relationship and that
their partners are good for them. Subconsciously, they may want to kick
the habit, but their minds fool them into thinking that the
relationship was a pleasurable experience, when, in reality, it may
have been a most unpleasant experience that was shared with a
This week I want each and every one of you out there to say 'no' a
little more, to put yourself first a little more, to pamper yourself a
little more, and to see that perhaps - just perhaps - your relationship
wasn't all that 'pleasurable' or good for you. Just for this week I
want you to be 'SELF-SERVING'!!!!
To learn more about self-serving partners visit my sites on Narcissism:
http://breakingupwithyournarcissist.com and http://narcissistic.co
Today's Inspiration, Poem
just don't wanna see you give up on your dreams because you're holding
on to the one thing that's letting you go." From the movie,
'Small Town Saturday Night'
Prayer or Thought:
I'll look at the way I feel unloved or uncared for as a result of my
breakup, and see if I've been rejecting myself even more than I think
a reminder that our Breakup
Support Forums & Community has room for you!
Membership is only $19 to YOU at http://liftedhearts.com !
The more I believe that I am worthy of love and care, the less likely I
will be to believe that my entire existence was based on the acceptance
or rejection of one other person." ~~Tigress Luv, The Breakup
Thank you for reading this week's newsletter! As always, we welcome
feedback and new ideas for future newsletters.
Have a great week everyone! For
more information about getting the attention you need and deserve read, How to Gain Back Your Attraction, at http://winbacktheirattraction.com
published by Tigress Luv & Glass Slipper Publishing, the Breakup Gurus. For more
breakup advice and forums please join us at the Lifted Hearts Breakup
Support Forums & Community at http://liftedhearts.com.
Stop your breakup here!