IHow to Get Revenge on an
ON THE EX'
by Tigress Luv
my last newsletter I wrote about breakups and the 'trash talking' that
sometimes occurs between the two estranged partners. It's sad that we
often see breakups as war with a winner and a loser. We think we must
win, that we must come out looking better than
them...it's almost like we want to punish someone for rejecting us,
making us hurt, or cheating on us. But why? Are our egos that small,
The truth of the matter is YES. As humans most of us have very fragile
egos. This is an integral part of our natural 'survival' instincts - to
be accepted and run with the pack. But rejection is a devastating thing
in itself. In fact, when a person experiences rejection it activates
the same region of their brain that becomes activated when they
experience physical pain. The simple truth is that 'rejection' is
crushing and excruciating for many.
When you have experienced rejection, betrayal, or other types of
emotional injury, the natural instinct is to hide--from God, others,
and even yourself. Oftentimes, you developed this hiding pattern during
childhood as a useful way of protecting yourself from a threatening
environment. But in adulthood, this hiding pattern can also keep you
separated from those fulfilling, trust-based relationships that help
For most of us when faced with rejection our natural instinct is to try
harder to be accepted. Thus, the very strong desire to get back
together with your ex and to get on their good side once again. If the
reunion fails to consummate, or if the rejection continues, we then
face a period of intense emotional pain and hurt; we may withdraw from
friends, family, or social situations. As the pain continues we start
to feel anger and along with the anger we may also feel a strong need
to 'get even' with or 'seek revenge' upon the person who we feel is the
cause of our anguish. We erroneously believe that revenge will make our
pain go away. Unfortunately, many acts of revenge end up costing the
avenger more than the victim.
And, come to think of it, by doing something mean, cruel, or vengeful
aren't you essentially giving them even more reasons to reject you?
Aren't you basically telling them that their decision to dump you to
begin with was the right decision? That you are a little 'off'', 'out
there', 'whacked', or unworthy of them? In fact, wouldn't you agree
that about the BEST revenge would be to have them begging for you to
take them back - and you rejecting them in return?
See, when you do something vengeful, you might as well go crawling back
to them on your hands and knees, begging them to accept you back again
and to walk all over you. You are letting them know that you are so
lowly that you can be devastated by their mere opinions of you ... that
you base your whole worth on the mere acceptance by them alone. So who
is the one that will end up paying here? Certainly not them! Initiating
a cruel, mean, or vicious revenge may make you feel better briefly,
but it will haunt you for years to come with a deep shame and regret.
You will ultimately be the victim of your revenge, not them. Can you
imagine the smug look on their face as they see you squirm?
Often times, too, when a relationship ends we feel like we may have
'lost face'. We may feel humiliated, less than, or substandard and
'rejectable'. In order to regain our pride and feel good about
ourselves once again we seek methods to make us appear the 'better'
party. We become enemies of our exes, the person we once claimed to
have loved, and we will stop at nothing to make them look bad in order
to make ourselves look better. "He didn't break up with me, I
dumped him!" Surely, if we value them then we must
also value their opinions - and one of their opinions was that we were
not worthy (of them). So we go out of our way to 'devalue' them, to
demonize them, and to seek revenge - all in a feeble attempt to kill
our own pain.
However, real betrayal and rejection cannot be cured by revenge but
rather by forgiveness. Forgiveness is the only thing you need to end
your pain and humiliation. Unfortunately, for many 'revenge' is the
first thing we may seek to do. We feel we have been wronged and
'revenge' seems like a logical way to restore the balance. Revenge is
so popular that hardly anyone out there can't relate to at least one
tale of revenge. And revenge makes for excellent movie plots!
Popular movies based on revenge (find and watch them all instantly at http://breakup-movies.com :
The Count of Monte Cristo
The First Wives Club
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
Waiting to Exhale
I Know What You Did Last Summer
Freeze Me (Freezer in the UK - incredibly disturbing!)
Man on Fire
The Limey (must see!)
The Brave One
The Last House on the Left
The Virgin Spring
The Bride Wore Black
I Spit on your Grave
While these movies do create some feel good moments in those who have
been wronged, the ultimate revenge still is in getting the last laugh.
And you can get the last laugh! Most times the greatest revenge is to
look and feel your best without them, to show them that you have moved
on and that you are in control of your life. But truly the best revenge
is simply to 'reject' them back. It's classic. You'll soon see that the
greatest revenge you can get on someone is to first, reject them, and
second, to forget them. Mirror, mirror on the
By moving on from the relationship you show
them that you are in control of your life and that they
weren't all that important to you, afterall. You
reject them back. And the best way to move on is to find
forgiveness; you can find total self-empowerment through the act of
forgiveness. You can gain total control over someone simply by
'forgiving', and then 'forgetting' them. And if you still truly want to
seek that ultimate revenge? Then do it this way: feel sorry
for them. It kills them!
Finding forgiveness for those who have hurt us is very beneficial to
our post-breakup peace of mind. For information on finding forgiveness
please read, How to Get Over a Breakup.
Today's Inspiration, Poem
"There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness." - Josh Billings
"He that studieth revenge keepeth his own wounds green, which
otherwise would heal and do well." - John Milton
"When you seek revenge, dig two graves." - Confucius
"Do not fear your enemies. The worst they can do is kill you.
Do not fear friends. At worst, they may betray you. Fear those who do
not care; they neither kill nor betray, but betrayal and murder exists
because of their silent consent." - Bruno Jasienski
Prayer or Thought:
the end of life we will not be judged by how many diplomas we have
received, how much money we have made, how many great things we have
done. We will be judged by 'I was hungry, and you gave me something to
eat, I was naked and you clothed me. I was homeless, and you took me
in.' Hungry not only for bread, but hungry for love. Naked not only for
clothing, but naked of human dignity and respect. Homeless not only for
want of a home of bricks, but homeless because of rejection."
- Mother Teresa
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Thank you for reading this week's newsletter! As always, we welcome
feedback and new ideas for future newsletters.
Have a great week everyone!
published by Tigress Luv & Glass Slipper Publishing, the Breakup Gurus. For more
breakup advice and forums please join us at the Lifted Hearts Breakup
Support Forums & Community at http://liftedhearts.com.
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