JUNE 30, 2009 - WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO SWEET, LITTLE OL' ME?

It's been an especially 'awakening' week for me. I've done very much soul searching and purging and made a lot of resolutions. Here's my first one; this is day 'one' for me without a cigarette. Yes, I am a smoker - hopefully soon to be 'ex-smoker'. So - for the next few weeks - you will just have to bear with me during my lack-of-nicotine-induced nervous breakdown :)

That is one of the great things about breakups, though. The absolutely amazing metamorphosis we go through. With my last breakup I realized how, within the relationship, I had somehow lost contact with my feminine side. Maybe because I was abused and learned to 'toughen' up through the process; maybe because I got bitter; maybe because I was the sole-provider and paid all the bills; or maybe simply because I was with a quivering coward of a man who wasn't capable of even hammering a nail into the wall or handling a phone call with the utility company.

All I know is that I stepped away from the relationship lacking the sweet femininity that I had when I had entered it - the very soft femininity that attracts men to women. I was hardened, bitter, cynical, and impenetrable. In other words, I was U-G-L-Y! I think a lot of men, too, leave bad relationships with a true loss of their masculinity, and, consequently with a huge deficit in their level of attraction. I did write my ebook, 'Why Women Love Bastards' (http://whywomenlovebastards.com) with this idea in mind - to help men reconnect with their masculine side.

I also just wrote an ebook for women on the subject, 'Damsel in Disguise: Strong, Independent, and Lonely'. Unfortunately, in my infinite wisdom - you know the wisdom that went out the door when I started juggling jobs, dogs, and single-motherhood - the ebook I just wrote for women on this subject has somehow 'disappeared'.

My flakiness aside I want you to think about you right now. Women, ask yourself how much of your soft, trusting, and compliant femininity have you lost during the course of a bad relationship and breakup? And men, how much of your hardened determination, personal decision making, and masculine stance have you lost during the course of your bad relationship and breakup? Bad relationships and breakups have a way of stripping us of our femininity and masculinity, so slowly that we aren't even aware of it happening to us.

I found this out after my last breakup in one of those 'epiphany' moments that I frequently have (if I just 'sit still' and allow them to come LOL)! Yes, somewhere along the line of being a single mother, running a business, holding down a house, and being painfully in charge of every relationship I have ever been in, I lost my soft, sweet, and attractively 'weak' femininity.

This revelation all came to me one afternoon when a waitress at a place I frequent came rushing outside (where a group of us 'smokers' were sitting) and jumped onto one of the men's lap, crying uncontrollably. Needless to say every man at our table jumped over to her 'rescue' and her long, mascara-stained tears and uncontrollable sobs literally had them eating out of the palms of her hands. It turns out that the boss's son had scolded her about something. I was vastly both humored and irritated to find out that she was so uncontrollably brokenhearted and 'inconsolable' about such a trifle experience, when here I could (and did) shoulder the weight of the world and not flinch.

But - here's the thing - did the men rush to my side to help me shoulder the weight? NO! Did they jump up from the table and rush to my rescue as I sat there with the weight of the world securely strapped on my back? NO! They simply ignored me, or admired me from afar, or cheated on me with the more feminine and attractive 'damsel in distress'.

I also found that more and more the men I did date would try to 'break' me (with emotional, verbal, or mental abuse), as if my determined spirit and my strength were in direct competition with their masculine egos. That's when I did some really long thinking and observing and 'interviewing'. And then I wrote my last ebook, 'Damsel in Disguise: Strong, Independent, and Lonely' - now, if I could just find that dang thang... Okay, so I'm somewhat scatterbrained (but isn't that a feminine quality *wink, wink*?)!

Anyway, how much of your femininity or masculinity did your last relationship 'steal' from you? I bet it is far more than you are even aware of! You men out there can find an excellent resource for rediscovering your attractive manliness at http://whywomenlovebastards.com and you women (until I find my ebook, 'Damsel in Disguise') can find great advice for regaining your charming femininity and becoming attractive again at http://winbacktheirattraction.com.

Okay, now I really, really want a cigarette because this is the spot where I usually light one up to enjoy while I finish the newsletter! Grrrrrr - Tigress is roaring in nicotine withdrawal, so my newsletter will be a bit shorter than usual this week! (And I had some great things planned for it, too)!

Tigress Luv, the Breakup Guru



Section 2

This Week's Inspiration or Quote: "I have never in my life learned anything from any man who agreed with me." ~~Dudley Field Malone

This Week's Thought: "If rejection has hurt me today, it is because I believe I am deserving of rejection. Today I will see how, in my past, rejection has taught me to inner-reflect and self-improve. I will value only the rejection that benefits me, and throw the rest out.

Today I will see that rejection only hurts if I put truth to the cause, or value the source of the rejection. Today I will opt to reject rejection. It is not a gift; I do not have to accept it." ~~Tigress Luv

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For more information about getting over the pain of breakup, please read How to Get Over a Breakup, by Tigress Luv, the Breakup Guru.

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