Your Ex Has a Personality Disorder...
FROM PARTNERS WITH 'ISSUES
by Tigress Luv
When we are rejected from someone we care
about - especially if that someone has 'issues', faults, flaws, or
personality disorders, we tend to take the rejection especially hard.
I think what really tears us apart is the blow that this rejection
leaves on our ego. We tend to subconsciously value ourselves through
our partner's 'acceptance' or 'non-acceptance' of us. So if he or she
rejected you for another, we take it personally - believing that
somehow we, ourselves, are flawed. It is hard for us to understand that
their rejection of us has NOTHING to do with our value as a human
being. He/She is not the judge of mankind, so take away that title from
When people have personality flaws they tend to be a little 'off' in
their way of thinking. Unfortunately, since we are not 'off' in our way
of thinking we tend to believe that everybody else thinks as rationally
as we, ourselves, do. When this happens we try to place sane reasons
and actions to people who have 'issues' and then we, as 'normal
thinking' people, start to question ourselves, our value, and our
worthiness. We don't understand that it's their perspective
of us that is askew and not us, per se.
REMEMBER that there is no making rational
sense out of the actions and thoughts of an irrational man or woman -
in other words, there is no trying to make sense of the senseless. It
just isn't going to happen!
You must please stop trying to place a meaning to his or her
madness...as there really isn't any. You can't explain away the actions
of those who are 'out of kilter' in their thought process and you
certainly shouldn't take it as a real or personal rejection.
Especially when breaking up with a narcissist.
Narcissists tend to leave relationships totally unscathed and quickly
move to a new relationship showing an instant and extreme happiness
with their new life and partner. We tend to react to this 'new
happiness' of theirs as a sign that we were somehow 'flawed' and
we are actually doing is 'reacting' to his or her new-found happiness
by stealing away our very own. We become super unhappy that they could
so easily walk away from us and are so unmoved and untouched by the
experience. What we fail to see is that their new happiness will be
short-lived - it's a temporary 'narcissistic supply' and it will leave
them feeling good for a while, but it won't leave them feeling normal
Women, especially, become more attached to men
with psychological disorders. I think that one reason women become so
attached to the man with psychological disorders, or why they grieve so
much after leaving him, is their intense need to just have had this man
ONE TIME accept them and love them in a normal and gentle way. They
probably have never received this from him, and to have never received
this must have been be very damaging to their sense of worth.
women were (and still are) starving for their partner's love, and their
egos and pride feel bruised by the fact that they were not 'special'
enough to cure all his delusions and bring him to his 'senses'. They
feel less than, and lacking in attraction and power.
Because women tend to value themselves through the happiness of their
partners and their family (men tend to value themselves through their
career and their accomplishments), they more strongly attach to a man
with personality issues because they want so badly to be accepted,
loved and appreciated by him, and to see that they have made him happy.
Based on a post from my breakup support forums at Lifted Hearts, A
Breakup Support Forum & Community.
Inspiration, Poem or Quote:
my last relationship I realized that my partner was self-centered,
self-serving, arrogant, ignorant, unfaithful, hypercritical, abusive,
an under-achiever, and an alcoholic. I was devastated when he broke up
with me." ~ Tigress Luv, The
Prayer or Thought:
find the unstable man exciting, the unreliable man challenging, the
unpredictable man romantic, the immature man charming, the moody man
mysterious. The angry man needs our understanding. The unhappy man
needs our comforting. The inadequate man needs our encouragement, and
the cold man needs our warmth. But we cannot "fix" a man who is fine
just as he is." ~ Robin Norwood
a reminder that our Breakup
Support Forums & Community has room for you!
Membership is only $19 to YOU at http://liftedhearts.com !
Thank you for reading this week's newsletter! As always, we welcome
feedback and new ideas for future newsletters.
Have a great week everyone!
published by Tigress Luv & Glass Slipper Publishing, the Breakup Gurus. For more
breakup advice and forums please join us at the Lifted Hearts Breakup
Support Forums & Community at http://liftedhearts.com.
Stop your breakup here!