Psycho Ex Girlfriend...In a past newsletter we discussed how some
people set out to destroy the reputation of their ex, so we now have the.....
by Tigress Luv
Yes, I'm the Psycho Ex-Bitch y'all heard about...LOL
In a past newsletter I discussed how some people set out to destroy
the reputation of their ex (see http://tigressluv.com/trash_talking_ex.html).
This occurrence is more common (than not) with a narcissist. A
narcissist will stop at nothing to destroy the image of their ex. When
I first met my narcissistic 'now-ex' he told me how horrible his
ex-wives were. He belittled their children. He called the women 'psycho
bitches'. He called them 'lying, cheating, greedy whores'. And why
shouldn't I have believed him? Here stood a man that was putting on his
best (albeit fake) persona. He had me totally fooled. He
even had himself fooled; he was a narcissist and a narcissist is
extremely gifted at the art of self-deception.
to me, this 'perfect' man was talking about all the 'imperfect' women
in his past - women who had done him 'wrong'. All the 'psycho bitches'
and 'greedy whores' who would do mean, crazy things to him. All the
'superficial princesses' who were materialistic and spent money on
expensive cars and big-screened TVs. All their whacked out kids who had
mental problems. And he would do it in such a flattering way to
me - simply by comparing me favorably to them! I mean, every
time he talked about his evil exes I felt so perfect! Yes, the
narcissist can charm you into believing anything ... he or she can even
flatter you by comparing how wonderful you are next
to his or her 'psycho ex'.
"She wasn't nearly as level-headed or as mature as
"He wasn't anywhere near as strong as you" ...
"Why couldn't I have met you first?" ...
"I can relax with you, but not with my ex - he used to flip out for no
reason at all" ...
"It is so refreshing to be with someone who I can
trust for a change" ...
"Unlike you, she was a mean and bitter woman" ...
"Thank God I met you as I would rather have lived
in a box than with that crazy person one more day" ...
But were their exes really 'psycho'? Were they that horrible?
But more than likely they were normal people, just like you and I...
....normal people who were driven to irrational behaviors by the poor
treatment they received. Maybe their buttons were pushed repeatedly on
a daily basis for years and years - by someone so abusive that they
could seemingly drive someone insane all while retaining their own
'image' of being the calm, logical one. It's all a very
well-thought-out psychological game with these abusers.
The problem is so many of us that are abused this way eventually begin
to believe that we are horrible or crazy. I know I
did for a while. This is what happens to victims of emotional, verbal,
psychological, or mental abuse. We start to feel depressed, inferior,
etc. You don't see it happening...it sneaks up on you so slowly that
you don't even hear it coming. We walk away from the confrontation - or
the relationship - feeling ugly; shameful; needy; insecure; incapable;
clumsy; inadequate; anxious; can't measure up; unlovable and unloved;
nagging; jealous; brow-beating; over-controlling; fat/skinny; butchy
(if a woman) or weak (if a man); bitchy; insulting;
out-of-control; uncaring; stupid; unpopular; and more.
Some abusers are so very well-trained in the art of psychological,
mental and emotional abuse that they can literally cause their victims
to subscribe to anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications, seek
mental health care, or even be hospitalized for emotional trauma and
depression. When someone has received a constant and continued
onslaught of psychological, mental and emotional abuse - or subjected
to months and months of verbal abuse, silent treatments and the
withdrawal of affection and acceptance - they may act out in an
irrational manner. Abuse such as this isn't evident in the physical
way....the bruises these abusers cause aren't readily identifiable to
the untrained eye. But these psychological bruises are evident to the
trained professional. Bruises that show in a more 'non-traditional'
way. Those who are abused this way may scream uncontrollably or lash
out, they may cry, they may get withdrawn and depressed. They may
commit infidelities simply because they desperately want to feel right
by a mate again. They may threaten; they may become self-destructive.
They may become irrational, stoic or silent. They may even turn to
drugs, alcohol, or, God forbid, suicide. Some may even dismiss family
and friends, or neglect their very own children.
"Yes, I went psycho and in a MINUTE of insanity I stomped his music CD into a hundred pieces. But, nobody saw the 10-years of constant, incessant and relentless onslaught of abuse from him that led up to that one-minute of insanity from me." ~Tigress Luv
So next time you are on a date with someone who flatters you or charms
you by comparing you favorably to his or her ex; BEWARE! This person
could very well be a narcissist or an abuser. After being with a fake,
abusive narcissist I now know to raise a RED FLAG if ever I meet anyone
who compliments me by trashing their ex. Remember, how he or
she talks about their ex is exactly how he or she
will describe you should your relationship with
them fail, also.
I have had men describe to me their ex-wives in very
undesirable ways! "She spit pea soup"..."She
was a Queen Bitch!"..."What a nutcase!"..."The
Skank Whore!"..."What a piece of work that crazy ass
pig was!" I hear these descriptions all the time and it's all
I can do to not laugh!!!
"Well, if she was like that then why did
you marry her...?"
"Oh, she wasn't like that when I married her...she
was beautiful and kind and fun and sweet and...
....and then she changed!"
right! Just like that...a man puts a ring on a woman's finger and
overnight she spits pea soup. NOT POSSIBLE! People change because of
the effect of those directly around them. Remember love is an effect,
if another person's treatment of you can cause you to be in love with
them (a positive effect), then, also can their maltreatment of you
cause you to spit pea soup at them (a negative effect)! So the next time someone accuses their ex of
'spitting pea soup' ask them why they fed their ex pea soup to begin
Don't feel flattered if someone you date charms you by insulting their
ex; instead feel concerned. A non-abusive, well-adjusted individual
should never feel the need to do this to you, nor the need to do this
to their ex.
Read the foreword to my ebook, 'The Counterfeit Heart' for
free at http://breakingupwithyournarcissist.com/foreword.html
Today's Inspiration, Poem
"For every broken heart
there is an acceptance that is not recognized by the bearer.
Only by accepting our broken status will our heart not seem so
broken anymore." ~ Tigress Luv, the Breakup Guru
Prayer or Thought:
"Remember that a narcissist will never take direct
responsibility for anything. He will blame you, the alignment of the
stars, an ancient family curse ... anything. Mine went as far as to
blame a simple rock that a friend brought back to me from her vacation
in Florida as bringing 'evil' into our home. He also blamed his
'nickname' for his 'bad luck' (after our breakup), saying that 'bad
karma' was associated to that nickname and he stopped using it
altogether. Other times (when he was especially evil to me) he claimed
he would smell a 'sweet flowery-like' scent before we would have a
fight and that it was an 'evil force' that was trying to come between
But mostly, he just blamed the
children or I for everything he did wrong. And, fixing his wrongs would
have meant that he would have had to admit to actually having them to
begin with, so that concept wasn't even a consideration. Better just to
blame you and move on with his life, than to admit he was flawed and/or
wrong and work on bettering the relationship (or himself). Narcissists
will never acknowledge or deal with the real problem, because the real
problem is them!"
~ From the eBook, The
Counterfeit Heart: Stepping Back Into the Real World and Recovering
From the Nightmare of Loving a Narcissistic Man' found at http://breakingupwithyournarcissist.com
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Have a great week everyone!
published by Tigress Luv & Glass Slipper Publishing, the Breakup Gurus. For more
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