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Win back your ex Best selling relationship books at Amazon  |
Glass
Slipper Publishing's Weekly Break
Up Support Blog and Newsletter / Breakup Support Column You can become a fan and discuss these newsletters at our Mending Broken Hearts Page on FaceBook The
Psycho Ex Girlfriend...In a past newsletter we discussed how some
people set out to destroy the reputation of their ex..... PSYCHO
EX BITCH In a past newsletter we discussed how some people set out to destroy the reputation of their ex (see http://tigressluv.com/trash_talking_ex.html). This occurrence is more common (than not) with a narcissist. A narcissist will stop at nothing to destroy the image of their ex. When I first met my narcissistic 'now-ex' he told me how horrible his ex-wives were. He belittled their children. He called the women 'psycho bitches'. He called them 'lying, cheating, greedy whores'. And why shouldn't I have believed him? Here stood a man that was putting on his best (albeit fake) persona. He had me totally fooled. He even had himself fooled; he was a narcissist and a narcissist is extremely gifted at the art of self-deception. So, to me, this 'perfect' man was talking about all the 'imperfect' women in his past - women who had done him 'wrong'. All the 'psycho bitches' and 'greedy whores' who would do mean, crazy things to him. All the 'superficial princesses' who were materialistic and spent money on expensive cars and big-screened TVs. All their whacked out kids who had mental problems. And he would do it in such a flattering way to me - simply by comparing me favorably to them! I mean, every time he talked about his evil exes I felt so perfect! Yes, the narcissist can charm you into believing anything ... he or she can even flatter you by comparing how wonderful you are next to his or her 'psycho ex'. "She wasn't nearly as level-headed or as mature as you" ... "He wasn't anywhere near as strong as you" ...
"Why couldn't I have met you first?" ...
"It is so refreshing to be with someone who I can
trust for a change" ... "Thank God I met you as I would rather have lived in a box than with that crazy person one more day" ... But were their exes really 'psycho'? Were they that horrible? Perhaps! But more than likely they were normal people, just like you and I... ....normal people who were driven to irrational behaviors by the poor treatment they received. Maybe their buttons were pushed repeatedly on a daily basis for years and years - by someone so abusive that they could seemingly drive someone insane all while retaining their own 'image' of being the calm, logical one. It's all a very well-thought-out psychological game with these abusers. The problem is so many of us that are abused this way eventually begin to believe that we are horrible or crazy. I know I did for a while. This is what happens to victims of emotional, verbal, psychological, or mental abuse. We start to feel depressed, inferior, etc. You don't see it happening...it sneaks up on you so slowly that you don't even hear it coming. We walk away from the confrontation - or the relationship - feeling ugly; shameful; needy; insecure; incapable; clumsy; inadequate; anxious; can't measure up; unlovable and unloved; nagging; jealous; brow-beating; over-controlling; fat/skinny; butchy (if a woman) or weak (if a man); bitchy; insulting; out-of-control; uncaring; stupid; unpopular; and more. Some abusers are so very well-trained in the art of psychological, mental and emotional abuse that they can literally cause their victims to subscribe to anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications, seek mental health care, or even be hospitalized for emotional trauma and depression. When someone has received a constant and continued onslaught of psychological, mental and emotional abuse - or subjected to months and months of verbal abuse, silent treatments and the withdrawal of affection and acceptance - they may act out in an irrational manner. Abuse such as this isn't evident in the physical way....the bruises these abusers cause aren't readily identifiable to the untrained eye. But these psychological bruises are evident to the trained professional. Bruises that show in a more 'non-traditional' way. Those who are abused this way may scream uncontrollably or lash out, they may cry, they may get withdrawn and depressed. They may commit infidelities simply because they desperately want to feel right by a mate again. They may threaten; they may become self-destructive. They may become irrational, stoic or silent. They may even turn to drugs, alcohol, or, God forbid, suicide. Some may even dismiss family and friends, or neglect their very own children.
So next time you are on a date with someone who flatters you or charms
you by comparing you favorably to his or her ex; BEWARE! This person
could very well be a narcissist or an abuser. After being with a fake,
abusive narcissist I now know to raise a RED FLAG if ever I meet anyone
who compliments me by trashing their ex. Remember, how he or
she talks about their ex is exactly how he or she
will describe you should your relationship with
them fail, also. Yeah, right! Just like that...a man puts a ring on a woman's finger and overnight she spits pea soup. NOT POSSIBLE! People change because of the effect of those directly around them. Remember love is an effect, if another person's treatment of you can cause you to be in love with them (a positive effect), then, also can their maltreatment of you cause a negative effect! So the next time someone accuses their ex of 'spitting pea soup' ask them why they fed their ex pea soup to begin with! :) Don't feel flattered if someone you date charms you by insulting their ex; instead feel concerned. A non-abusive, well-adjusted individual should never feel the need to do this to you, nor the need to do this to their ex. Read the foreword to our ebook, 'The Counterfeit Heart' for free at http://breakingupwithyournarcissist.com/foreword.html
Section 2 Today's Inspiration, Poem or Quote:
"For every broken heart
there is an acceptance that is not recognized by the bearer.
Only by accepting our broken status will our heart not seem so
broken anymore." ~ Tigress Luv, the Breakup Guru Today's Prayer or Thought: "Remember that a narcissist will never take direct responsibility for anything. He will blame you, the alignment of the stars, an ancient family curse ... anything. Mine went as far as to blame a simple rock that a friend brought back to me from her vacation in Florida as bringing 'evil' into our home. He also blamed his 'nickname' for his 'bad luck' (after our breakup), saying that 'bad karma' was associated to that nickname and he stopped using it altogether. Other times (when he was especially evil to me) he claimed he would smell a 'sweet flowery-like' scent before we would have a fight and that it was an 'evil force' that was trying to come between us. But mostly, he just blamed the children or I for everything he did wrong. And, fixing his wrongs would have meant that he would have had to admit to actually having them to begin with, so that concept wasn't even a consideration. Better just to blame you and move on with his life, than to admit he was flawed and/or wrong and work on bettering the relationship (or himself). Narcissists will never acknowledge or deal with the real problem, because the real problem is them!" ~ From the eBook, The Counterfeit Heart: Stepping Back Into the Real World and Recovering From the Nightmare of Loving a Narcissistic Man' found at http://breakingupwithyournarcissist.com Just a reminder that our Breakup Support Forums & Community has room for you! Membership is only $19 to YOU at http://liftedhearts.com ! Thank you for reading this week's newsletter! As always, we welcome feedback and new ideas for future newsletters. Have a great week everyone! Glass Slipper Publications
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