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by Tigress Luv, The Breakup Guru & by Glass Slipper Publishing

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Advice on Relationship, Breakup, Commitmentphobia, Abuse, Codependency, Narcissist and Narcissism, Breaking Up, Poetry, Poems, articles, blogs, newsletters, books and more...

Love, break up grief, and relationship issue advice for breaking up and mending a broken heart


What's Your Life Statement?

Letting Go - Finding a Profound Peace in a Man's Dying Words...

by Tigress Luv

Quite some years back I was in a relationship with a narcissistic man who was deep into the 'drama'. Now, it's true that many of us women have emotions that run deep and strong, and many a time have we over-dramatized our lives and certain situations... But it is rare to find a man that is so overly emotional that every day with him is wrought with nothing but drama, or a man that is so emotionally volatile or codependent that the entire family must walk around on tippy-toes lest we 'upset' him.

Well, at one time deep into our relationship he woke up one morning with some pretty severe chest pains. Fearing a heart attack he requested I drive him to the hospital (dialing 911 was not enough fanfare for him; he much preferred the chance of spinning a challenging, life-or-death tale of having to be perilously driven to the hospital [such was his way - he glorified in the attention]).

So, into the SUV we did scramble, rushing off towards the nearest hospital ... him white-faced and clutching his chest while muttering "hurry, hurry..." and me begging for him to just let me pull over and call 911 on my cell phone, to which he still adamantly refused, squeaking out a barely audible "no, no...".

The hospital was quite some miles away, and I sped there recklessly, while he clutched at his chest and left shoulder.

The silence was foreboding, while crushing thoughts of losing him raced through my head, heart, and soul. My eyes darted back-and-forth from him to the road; him leaning over, still clutching at his chest. Finally, after some time I thought I heard him speak. He was trying to tell me something - something very important - but it was too faint for me to hear.

Was he trying to reveal some deep, dark secret, such as he was D.B. Cooper or the Zodiac Killer, or did he want to confess or make atonement for an infidelity, or a string of infidelities? Did he have mass fortunes he had hidden and wanted to tell me where they were to make sure that his family was well cared for, or was he going to entrust me with the secret location to a safety deposit box? Was he about to profess to me how much he had loved me so as to kindly leave me with the knowledge that I was cherished and adored, and made him happy? As I leaned in closer, still keeping a watchful eye on the traffic and my speed, I heard his words at last, "Don't forget to give the dogs water."

Well, we did make it to the hospital that day, and, as it turned out, he was not having a heart attack, but he did have some very clogged arteries that did need bypass surgery. Thanking God he was ok, I later reflected on the profoundness of what I thought were his 'dying' words to me. Where was the love (for me)? LOL

If you were told you were going to die tomorrow, whom would you call? What would you say? Would all those worries and pressures that are so important to you today - all those things that are robbing you of your present day happiness - would they matter to you anymore? Would you suddenly stop worrying about rejection, or the car needing an oil change, or whether the washer would make it another cycle, and simply embrace the moment? Would you turn off your computer and play with your kids? Would you cancel the trip you had planned to the golf course and visit your mother instead? Would you invite your best friend out to lunch in lieu of wondering about what your ex was doing?

Would you light those candles you are saving, or drink that wine aging in your basement? Would you eat on the good china, or use your 'saving-for-a-special-occasion' items?

And would you care less about what people thought about you, but rather alternatively reflect on how you have made a positive difference or special influence to others you have touched along the way?

And what final things would you want to say to your loved ones?

Would you 'let go' of the garbage that weighs you down everyday?

They say that one way to tell that a depressed person is harboring thoughts of suicide is that they suddenly 'cheer' up. Why? Because they stop worrying about everything. But why take such drastic measures to find the peace of just 'letting things go'?

Worrying about stuff is not going to change the outcome of anything...things are going to happen exactly as they are going to happen - no matter whether you worry about them or not.

So, just for today, let go of everything negative and just let life happen. Be grateful for every minute. Get back in touch with old friends. Play with your kids. Light your special-occasion candles. Call your mother up and tell her you love her. Break out the good china.

And reach out and touch someone positively.

When we allow the destructive actions of another to effect our lives....
When we are so "enmeshed" with another, we are no longer a person with a separate life....
When the object of our "addiction" is not there, we feel as if we are "lost" and incomplete....
When our needs are stifled, because we are too busy taking care of theirs....
When we are willing to give up ourselves, so that they will "love" us....

For more help with 'letting go' and codependency please read our ebook 'How to Get Over a Breakup', found at

Section 2

Today's Inspiration, Poem or Quote:

"If I stop thinking of you, will you be gone to me forever?" ~Tigress Luv, The Breakup Guru

Today's Prayer or Thought:

Chains of Attachment

A Sufi teaching story tells of the man who visited a great mystic to find out how to let go of his chains of attachment and his prejudices.

Instead of answering him directly, the mystic jumped to his feet and bolted to a nearby pillar, flung his arms around it, grasping the marble surface as he screamed, "Save me from this pillar! Save me from this pillar!"

The man who had asked the question could not believe what he saw. He thought the mystic was mad. The shouting soon brought a crowd of people. "Why are you doing that?" the man asked. "I came to you to ask a spiritual question because I thought you were wise, but obviously you are crazy. You are holding the pillar, the pillar is not holding you. You can simply let go."

The mystic let go of the pillar and said to the man, "If you can understand that, you have your answers. Your chains of attachment are not holding you, you are holding them. You can simply let go. ~Author Unknown~

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Thank you for reading this week's newsletter! As always, we welcome feedback and new ideas for future newsletters.

Have a great week everyone!
For more information about getting over the pain of breakup, please read How to Get Over a Breakup

Article published by Tigress Luv & Glass Slipper Publishing, the Breakup Gurus. For more breakup advice and forums please join us at the Lifted Hearts Breakup Support Forums & Community at

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