Letting Go of "Meantime"
By Talayah Stovall
Weve all been there. Weve
spent time with someone who we knew was temporary until the
right one comes along. Sometimes, we even fool ourselves into
thinking that that someone is the right one. We have all tried to shave the
edges off some square pegs in order to fit them into round holes. There is
something about Mr. In the Meantime that keeps you engaged in
the relationship. It might be his kindness, his looks, his personality or
his bank account (or, it might be just our own desire not to be alone). But,
there is also something about him that you know is a deal breaker.
While it is sometimes very difficult to let go of a relationship, we should
never hold on to a relationship just to be in one.
Meantime relationships help pass the
time while you are still searching. Unfortunately, while you are spending
valuable time with someone who clearly lacks the qualities you desire, just
to have someone with whom to spend time, you might be unavailable or unaware
when Mr. Right knocks on the door. Meantime relationships are often merely
filling in the emotional, and sometimes physical, gaps that are present when
we seek the temporary elimination of feelings of loneliness.
Sometimes we use Mr. In the
Meantime to help us recover from a relationship whose ending was either
abrupt or particularly painful. A girlfriend of mine once remarked, The
best way to get over one man is another man. This thinking perpetuates
into rebound relationships that are often more painful when they end
and they will end than the one from which you are trying to heal.
Whenever we say goodbye to someone we love, even when we know that that person
is not right for us, it hurts. We can save ourselves much heartache by
recognizing and acknowledging from the beginning, that the Meantime man is
not right for us, instead of trying to force a relationship. And, once we
recognize and acknowledge that, we can free ourselves for a deeper love and
commitment with the one who is our destiny.
Choosing a mate is a serious decision
which will impact the rest of your life. It is a decision that can make or
break you. Dont be swayed by charm and style that have the appearance
of authenticity, and dont settle for second best; it is not worth it
in the long run. Solid relationships are built on friendship, honesty and
sincerity. Proverbs 7:5 warns us to Beware of the stranger who flatters
with words. Some people will tell you what you want to hear, but their
actions will reveal that they are totally insincere. It is so important to
watch and listen. If he looks like a duck, but acts and sounds
like a dog, he is either pretending to be something other than what he appears,
or he is confused.
Women, especially, often allow feelings
to overrule logic and common sense. That said, our intuition rarely leads
us astray. If we are picking up a vibe that something is not right, usually
something is not right. Pay attention to the signals and let him go. Do not
hold on to hope when all the signs indicate that you should cut your
The Bible reminds us that we will
know a tree by the fruit it bears. Mr. In the Meantime might
have the looks, the money and the prestige that impress us, but he might
not have the character to match. Looks, money and prestige will fade away,
but character is something that does not disappear.
We have all had periodic Meantime
experiences, and some of them were effective for our growth and our transitions
in life. Meantime relationships, however, will cause problems if we fail
to see them for what they really are. Acknowledge them for what they are
(a friendship, a learning experience, a nightmare
) and move on. If
he is not right for you
do not give him access to your soul.
Have you ever entered into or stayed
too long in a relationship that you knew was not ultimately right for
Make a list of the qualities that you
are looking for in a mate. Use this list to evaluate your current romantic
interest or keep the list in mind as you begin new relationships.
If you find that you tend to spend
time in clearly Meantime relationships, use the following affirmation or
create one of your own: I will no longer cheat myself or anyone else
by spending time in relationships that are going nowhere. I will be clear
on the qualities that are important to me and will not try to force a
relationship where there should not be one.
About the Author:
Talayah G. Stovall, President of TGrace,
is an author, certified trainer and motivational speaker.
published by Tigress Luv & Glass Slipper publishing, the Breakup Gurus. For more
breakup advice and forums please join us at the Lifted Hearts Breakup
Support Forums & Community at http://liftedhearts.com.
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