Obsessing Over an Ex, or Obsessing Over a Failed Relationship or a Break-up
Acquaintances and friends will come into and out of most people’s lives at various times. For the most part, these people are forgotten fairly quickly. Maybe forgotten is too strong a word to use. The images of these people, and the past relationships with them, is pushed to the back of someone’s brain and not dwelled on at all or very infrequently.
For some people, there have been individuals who have had made such a profound impact on their lives, that no matter how hard they’ve tried to forget them, it's impossible. Depending on how close the relationship was and how badly it ended, various degrees of internal pain might always remain. One of the best ways to break the cycle of obsessing over an ex, or obsessing over a failed relationship or a break-up is to avoid romanticizing the past and dwelling on an individual someone has no future with.
To avoid feeling the “one that got away syndrome,” it’s important for a person to realize that sometimes things don't fall into place to further a relationship. If there was a significant relationship for a period of time, but things just didn’t work out, then admitting and accepting it is the healthiest thing to do. Guilt, regret, or any number of emotions, will continue to enter into someone’s thoughts, unless the person is proactive in helping to banish them.
So how can someone overcome the grief of having a relationship end or a break-up? How can he or she stop obsessing? With the proliferation of social networking sites, this is becoming harder and harder to do. Almost everyone has a Facebook or Twitter account, so it’s not like it was years ago. Just a decade ago, if a couple ended their relationship, then those involved would go their separate ways, never to be heard from again. But today it is hard to stop obsessing over an ex, or obsessing over a failed relationship or a break-up, when everyone you know on your social pages is also friends with your ex.
Nowadays, if two people are friends on a social networking site, then there’s the temptation to check up on the other person, even if it’s been agreed upon that the relationship has ended. So is defriending the best solution? In some circumstances, it’s probably the only way to help forget the pain of losing someone. If you take away the temptation, then the compulsion to spy on the other person is lost as well.
Keeping oneself busy is an excellent way to occupy the brain. If a person has time on his or her hands, that’s when the obsessive thoughts can pop up. In seeking the company of family or friends, or engaging in hobbies, it can make a person feel like part of things again. One of the worst things to do after a break-up is to sit around and dwell on it.
It takes time to get over losing someone who might have become an important part of an individual’s life. It’s important that a person grieves, because it is akin to a death. Taking a few moments every day to allow his or herself to cry can be an easy coping mechanism. In letting emotions out, instead of suppressing them, it helps to alleviate stress. If, however, a person is finding he or she can’t function properly, because of depression over a failed relationship, then seeking professional counseling might be the best avenue for that person.
Anytime someone allows another person to get close to him or her there’s going to be risks involved, because there will be the possibility it won’t work out. It hurts sometimes to love others, but that’s life. It helps to understand that most people have been hurt by love. They’ve given their hearts away and have had them broken, but what would life be like without love? Some people believe it would be a very cold place where nothing could grow. So, for now, accept that you are perfectly normal in obsessing over an ex, or obsessing over a failed relationship or a break-up.
We believe that our very own Tigress Luv, the Breakup Guru, has some of the most dead-on accurate breakup advice to be found. She writes about getting over a breakup, restoring a broken relationship and living with, loving and leaving a narcissist with the most accurate insight imaginable. It could be because she has been there -- and experienced it all -- herself.
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