NO CONTACT AND YOUR BREAK UP WITH YOUR EX

The foundation of a successful breakup - or a successful reunion - almost always starts with 'NO CONTACT'. No contact is not a 'game', but rather a strategy. It is a way for us to 'rediscover ourselves' and also a way for our exes to miss us and want to have contact with us again. Therefore, 'no contact' works well in both situations; wanting to get back together or wanting to move on and recover.

"No Contact is about is forcing the other person to face the realization that you just might never speak to him or her again ... that (s)he may be out of your life from now on. But those of us on this site also know that this is part of a strategy. To win him or her back, but more importantly, to win OURSELVES back.

I wanted to add that I was in no way suggesting that you MAKE it a game, rather that No Contact is, in part, a strategy if you want to love her back into your life. None of us on this site like to play games, but in situations like this, you have to PUT YOURSELF into a position that gives you the advantage(s) you seek. If you want her back, the ONLY WAYS it'll happen is through time, introspection, healing/change, her missing you, and growth. No Contact is the petri dish through which that can happen. " ~Jonners, from 'Brokenheartsville, our 'Lifted Hearts Breakup Community'.

"Believe that, even in silence, *something* is happening. If she truly loves you, and if everything is aligning correctly, she will be back. But here's the rub. You can't force the kind of alignment you hope for. All you can do is wait and see what develops.

I believe in the magic of no contact, but you have to work it correctly. And believe me it's hard. You were the one that got dumped. So you must be the one to agree that it's over and step back and shut up."~Tom, from 'Brokenheartsville, our 'Lifted Hearts Breakup Community'.

"They call them waves of emotion for a reason, one minute you are good and the next a wave hits and your emotions change. It's a totally natural part of the processing all the pain and anger is one of those stages and getting angry (as long as it doesn't control you) is great, it releases a lot of pent up frustration, but never contact your ex during this time, that is critical, otherwise things will be said that can not be retracted.

No Contact is definitely for you right now, like you said you have done work on yourself, but SHE isn't ready, and when and if she is let her come to you. Focus on you, you, you..."~SunSmile Schelley, from 'Brokenheartsville, our 'Lifted Hearts Breakup Community'.

I know many of you think that the 'no contact' strategy is the same as giving up the dream of winning them back...

....and it hurts so much to give up that dream and let it go.

But that's NOT what you are doing! Not at all!

Have you ever noticed that if you are trying to remember the name of someone (i.e.: Who sang that song? What was that actor's name?) that the more you try to remember their name the less you will be able to? But then the minute you stop trying to think of it the name just pops into your head?! Well, sometimes when we go through a breakup we can't stop thinking about it, either... and what happens then is we really can't see it very clearly. Nothing logical pops into our heads - it's just a jumble of emotions and upsets and hurts and pain! Just like that old expression "can't see the forest for the trees".

I know this sounds impossible, but for just one day STOP thinking about her or him, the breakup, the situation, all of it! Whether you think about it or not won't change the fact that you are broken up. This means that if you stop thinking about it, you're still in the same situation - nothing will change. But the answers will come to you more clearly, and with these answers will come epiphanies. Then you'll understand that it is not a 'game' you're playing, but rather a logical improvement on a road to a better relationship - both with yourself and with others.

Please take one day and let the breakup and the ex go and give them back to themselves, and divert your attention elsewhere ... and then stand back in amazement as the flood gates burst open and the epiphanies rush in!

'No Contact' is just one of the tactics covered at The Breakup Eraser. Comments excerpted from Brokenheartsville, A Breakup Support Community.

Section 2

Today's Inspiration, Poem or Quote:

"You don't know loneliness until you're the one that has to carry the weight of others all by yourself." ~ Tigress Luv, The Breakup Guru

Today's Prayer or Thought:

"Selfishness is the bait that gets the BIG fish! But to be selfish seems like a major sin to many, so they give and give and then they feel sorry for themselves that they have been taken for granted and under-appreciated.
In this they learn to feel 'right' with self-pity, and 'self-pity' is sometimes the only way we can feel safe in loving ourselves.
Some people give and give and give, all in a desperate search to gain love. Ironically, it's not the love from others that they seek to gain or find by the act of their giving, but rather their own right to love themselves. " ~ Tigress Luv, The Breakup Guru

Just a reminder that our Brokenheartsville Community has room for you! Membership is only $19 to YOU at http://brokenheartsville.com !

Thank you for reading this week's newsletter! As always, I welcome feedback and new ideas for future newsletters.

Have a great week everyone!

Tiggy

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For more information about getting over the pain of breakup, please read How to Get Over a Breakup, by Tigress Luv, the Breakup Guru.

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