Do You HATE Your Ex?...
HATE MY EX
by Tigress Luv. Get more help at THE BREAKUP ORGANIZATION
"I hate my ex girlfriend!"
"I hate my ex boyfriend!"
Do you? Or are you so passionately and emotionally connected to them
that you have mistaken 'hate' for 'love in pain'?
Hate and love are both intense, passionate emotions. When we
romantically love someone and they reject our love, hurt us intensely,
or betray us we may replace our passionate loving attachment to them
with a passionate hating attachment to them.
You see, to me romantic love and romantic hate are both the same thing.
Let me explain.
Romantic love is an emotional reaction that is
felt when one is strongly connected to and attracted to another and the
possibility of that same positive emotion being returned to you exists.
Romantic hate is an emotional reaction felt when one is strongly
connected to and attracted to another but the possibility of a positive
love being returned to them doesn't exist. Both romantic love and
romantic hate signify a strong connection on a deep level. The opposite
of love is apathy, the opposite of the feeling of
love is the feeling of hate; yet when it comes to
rejection, bad breakups or betrayal 'romantic hate' is a synonym for
I find that most people who claim they hate their ex actually are still
deeply attached to them but are reacting to their ex's betrayal or
their rejection. If you don't believe me then ask yourself this: if you
claim that you hate your ex could that hate instantly be turned back
into love if they were to not have betrayed you, hurt you or rejected
If you answered 'yes', then your hate towards your ex is simply your
love reacting negatively to your ex's rejection of you, or their
betrayal to you. So in this case, romantic hate is simply romantic
love in pain.
towards an ex is simply your feelings of love reacting negatively to
your ex's rejection of you, or their betrayal to you. In the case of a
broken heart, hate is simply romantic love in pain."
hate is a method we (subconsciously) use to still maintain a connection
to another when the connection of love has been blocked. When we state
we 'hate' our exes, we are really saying that we have a strong
connection to our exes, and that we are channeling this through the
passionate emotion of hate right now because the passionate emotion of
love is just too painful to experience. We are using our 'hate' to
still remain connected to them on some level, without having to
experience the pain of a broken heart caused by a love gone wrong.
To sum it up, romantic hate is a safe way for us to remain
(emotionally) connected to our exes yet still protect ourselves from
the pain of having our love rejected or betrayed.
But romantic hate isn't always used as a safe, painless way of
maintaining an emotional connection to an ex. Romantic hate can also
serve as a tool to help us remove the heart-chains that bind us to our
ex. Romantic hate can safely be used as a stepping stone from 'romantic
love' to 'apathy and indifference'. We use romantic hate as an exit
ramp to safely leave the ex and free ourselves from the loving emotions
we once felt towards them. And the more people we can get to join us on
this exit ramp, the easier we believe our exit will become.
What does that mean? Well, romantic hate works best when shared by
many, whereas romantic love works best when only shared by two. For
instance, when we are in romantic love we do not want others to also
share that same deep, emotional love towards the object of our
affection as we do. We don't welcome the idea of our friends or
coworkers to also be in romantic love with our mates. But when we are
in romantic hate we welcome others to also feel the same type of hate
toward our exes as we do. This shared hate empowers us and encourages
us to let go of the love and to sever the connection more easily,
lessening the pain of heartbreak and improving our ability to move on.
It also makes us (our side of the story or breakup) feel heard and
To sum it all up, as long as you can honestly say you 'hate' your ex is
how long you will remain deeply connected to - and hurt by - that
person. Unless you can reach the stage of 'love without requirements*'
or apathy and indifference, you will remain painfully connected to your
*Love Without Requirements: Most romantic love
is a selfish love; Love Without Requirements (LWR), however, is a love
that doesn't require us to receive any personal gains in return. LWR is
a true love and one we feel when we want only the best for someone, no
matter if it personally benefits us or not - no matter if we lose
something in the process or we make personal sacrifices. In regards to
an ex, Love Without Requirements is a true love that can only be
reached when we can find forgiveness toward an ex that we feel has
wronged us, betrayed us, rejected us or hurt us.
To learn more about Love Without Requirements or about Finding
Forgiveness for an ex, please read our report 'How To Get Over a Breakup'
Inspiration, Poem or Quote:
"Sometimes I love you, sometimes I hate you. But when I hate you, it's
because I love you." ~Nat King
Prayer or Thought:
I will ask myself why I keep waiting for happiness to come my way, in
the same way I might wait for me to get the winning lottery ticket.
When I find myself unhappy, it's time for me to define my unhappiness.
Do I see having happiness as being in a relationship? Or having a
beautiful home? Or an adoring partner and perfect children? Do I define
my happiness only as a dream of some particular place or time in the
Today I will stop waiting for happiness to come to me. Today I will see
that this day is my future and that I need to stop expecting my
happiness to come in the form of a 'dream come true'. Dreams are just
dreams, reality always shows me that the real world is far from my
dreams. Today I will be happy for having today."
Read my PDF ebook on how to stop a breakup "How to Stop a Breakup" or "How to Get Over a Breakup"!
Or read my PDF ebooks about the narcissist and narcissism at http://BreakingUpWithYourNarcissist.com!
Thank you for reading this week's newsletter! As always, we welcome
feedback and new ideas for future newsletters.
Have a great week everyone!
published by Tigress Luv aka the Breakup Guru. For more
breakup advice and narcissist advice please join her at Breakups.ORG or go back to the home page here http://tigressluv.com.)