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by Tigress Luv, The Breakup Guru

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Advice on Relationship, Breakup, Commitmentphobia, Abuse, Codependency, Narcissist and Narcissism, Breaking Up, Poetry, Poems, articles, blogs, newsletters, books and more...

Love, break up grief, and relationship issue advice for breaking up and mending a broken heart

 

When You Seriously Hate Your Ex!

Do You HATE Your Ex?...

I HATE MY EX
by Tigress Luv. Get more help at THE BREAKUP ORGANIZATION

"I hate my ex girlfriend!"
"I hate my ex boyfriend!"

Do you? Or are you so passionately and emotionally connected to them that you have mistaken 'hate' for 'love in pain'?

Hate and love are both intense, passionate emotions. When we romantically love someone and they reject our love, hurt us intensely, or betray us we may replace our passionate loving attachment to them with a passionate hating attachment to them.

You see, to me romantic love and romantic hate are both the same thing.

Let me explain.


Romantic love is an emotional reaction that is felt when one is strongly connected to and attracted to another and the possibility of that same positive emotion being returned to you exists. Romantic hate is an emotional reaction felt when one is strongly connected to and attracted to another but the possibility of a positive love being returned to them doesn't exist. Both romantic love and romantic hate signify a strong connection on a deep level. The opposite of love is apathy, the opposite of the feeling of love is the feeling of hate; yet when it comes to rejection, bad breakups or betrayal 'romantic hate' is a synonym for 'romantic love'.

I find that most people who claim they hate their ex actually are still deeply attached to them but are reacting to their ex's betrayal or their rejection. If you don't believe me then ask yourself this: if you claim that you hate your ex could that hate instantly be turned back into love if they were to not have betrayed you, hurt you or rejected you?

If you answered 'yes', then your hate towards your ex is simply your love reacting negatively to your ex's rejection of you, or their betrayal to you. So in this case, romantic hate is simply romantic love in pain.

"Feeling hate towards an ex is simply your feelings of love reacting negatively to your ex's rejection of you, or their betrayal to you. In the case of a broken heart, hate is simply romantic love in pain." ~Tigress Luv

Romantic hate is a method we (subconsciously) use to still maintain a connection to another when the connection of love has been blocked. When we state we 'hate' our exes, we are really saying that we have a strong connection to our exes, and that we are channeling this through the passionate emotion of hate right now because the passionate emotion of love is just too painful to experience. We are using our 'hate' to still remain connected to them on some level, without having to experience the pain of a broken heart caused by a love gone wrong.

To sum it up, romantic hate is a safe way for us to remain (emotionally) connected to our exes yet still protect ourselves from the pain of having our love rejected or betrayed.

But romantic hate isn't always used as a safe, painless way of maintaining an emotional connection to an ex. Romantic hate can also serve as a tool to help us remove the heart-chains that bind us to our ex. Romantic hate can safely be used as a stepping stone from 'romantic love' to 'apathy and indifference'. We use romantic hate as an exit ramp to safely leave the ex and free ourselves from the loving emotions we once felt towards them. And the more people we can get to join us on this exit ramp, the easier we believe our exit will become.

What does that mean? Well, romantic hate works best when shared by many, whereas romantic love works best when only shared by two. For instance, when we are in romantic love we do not want others to also share that same deep, emotional love towards the object of our affection as we do. We don't welcome the idea of our friends or coworkers to also be in romantic love with our mates. But when we are in romantic hate we welcome others to also feel the same type of hate toward our exes as we do. This shared hate empowers us and encourages us to let go of the love and to sever the connection more easily, lessening the pain of heartbreak and improving our ability to move on.

It also makes us (our side of the story or breakup) feel heard and understood.

To sum it all up, as long as you can honestly say you 'hate' your ex is how long you will remain deeply connected to - and hurt by - that person. Unless you can reach the stage of 'love without requirements*' or apathy and indifference, you will remain painfully connected to your ex.


*Love Without Requirements: Most romantic love is a selfish love; Love Without Requirements (LWR), however, is a love that doesn't require us to receive any personal gains in return. LWR is a true love and one we feel when we want only the best for someone, no matter if it personally benefits us or not - no matter if we lose something in the process or we make personal sacrifices. In regards to an ex, Love Without Requirements is a true love that can only be reached when we can find forgiveness toward an ex that we feel has wronged us, betrayed us, rejected us or hurt us.

To learn more about Love Without Requirements or about Finding Forgiveness for an ex, please read our report 'How To Get Over a Breakup' at http://overabreakup.com

Section 2

Today's Inspiration, Poem or Quote:

"Sometimes I love you, sometimes I hate you. But when I hate you, it's because I love you." ~Nat King Cole

Today's Prayer or Thought:

"Today I will ask myself why I keep waiting for happiness to come my way, in the same way I might wait for me to get the winning lottery ticket.

When I find myself unhappy, it's time for me to define my unhappiness. Do I see having happiness as being in a relationship? Or having a beautiful home? Or an adoring partner and perfect children? Do I define my happiness only as a dream of some particular place or time in the future?

Today I will stop waiting for happiness to come to me. Today I will see that this day is my future and that I need to stop expecting my happiness to come in the form of a 'dream come true'. Dreams are just dreams, reality always shows me that the real world is far from my dreams. Today I will be happy for having today.
"

Read my PDF ebook on how to stop a breakup "How to Stop a Breakup" or "How to Get Over a Breakup"! Or read my PDF ebooks about the narcissist and narcissism at http://BreakingUpWithYourNarcissist.com!

Thank you for reading this week's newsletter! As always, we welcome feedback and new ideas for future newsletters.

Have a great week everyone!

(Article published by Tigress Luv aka the Breakup Guru. For more breakup advice and narcissist advice please join her at Breakups.ORG or go back to the home page here http://tigressluv.com.)






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