Luv & Glass
Breakup and Relationship Issues
by Tigress Luv, The Breakup Guru & by Glass
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Getting Dumped Hurts ... A LOT!
bad thing about getting dumped or abandoned is it costs us our
by Tigress Luv & Glass
The bad thing about getting dumped or
abandoned is it costs us our self-esteem. We feel a full tidal wave of
rejection bring us to our knees, sucking the wind out of our sails. We
form an inner-hate and get caught in a self-destructive mode. We create
- within ourselves - intense feelings of rejection, isolation, and a
profound loss of love, acceptance, and control.
When we are dumped it creates a grief that is far more intense than the
loss of love through death. With death the person who has died has not
consciously elected to withdraw their love for you. They did not choose to leave you. With the death of a loved one you
get a sense of closure and finalization. You get sympathy and
understanding... you get support. Death has no
possibilities of changing its mind! But when you are dumped the person
who has 'dumped' you has made the conscious decision to withdraw their love from you and to desert you. They have rejected
you, turned their back to you, and, often times, moved on to someone
else. Getting 'dumped' hurts like hell. It sucker-punches the very air
out of us and leaves us feeling alone, lost, and hopeless. We lose our
very selves when the person we love makes the conscious decision to
The grief of being abandoned can quickly progress to extreme sadness,
self doubt, insecurity, and fear. Abandonment drains our self-esteem.
It can lead to depression, addictions, compulsions, and uncontrollable
anxiety or panic attacks. In extreme cases, some are left with suicidal
thoughts. If left unresolved, abandonment can interfere with - or even
prevent - any healthy future relationships. Once in this cycle, we will
often find ourselves abandoned over and over again, as we become either
blocked from fully connecting to others, or struggle with
extreme-attachment for fear of being abandoned again. We may accept
abuse and infidelity, just to avoid feelings of abandonment. Sometimes
we remain in a panic-like state of obsessiveness and hyper-vigilance
towards our abandoner, or inner focused on our own pain and hurt. We
often carry with us feelings of being deserted, needy, and demoralized.
Eventually, our lack of self-control makes us feel like a victim within
our own creation, causing self hatred, harm, or injury.
Curing the grief that surrounds you is to find happiness within you.
Sounds impossible, but it isn't. It is not only very possible, it has
been there all along. If it hadn't been you would have curled up in a
ball at the foot of the one who left you, and died. And, yes, you might
have felt that way, but did you do it? No! Because you still know,
buried deep inside of you, that your ex was not the be-all to your
life. And how do I know that? Because you are here, reading this,
looking for answers to your pain. Searching for help to mend your
abandoned self! You have the courage and the desire to 'continue on'. You believe in you, you have faith in life, and you
are aware of your capacity to love again. A new and better life is not
only possible, not only probable, but a plain and simple fact.
But right now, you just hurt.
And you hurt badly. And you want to know why.
Well...look at it this way. You loved someone. You loved them very
much. And they abandoned you. You thought the world of them and they
crushed your heart and stole your dreams. Wow - so much power they
have...to be able to inflict such heavy and massive destruction to your
well-being. And with this 'imposed' power they become almost 'God-like'
to you. You subconsciously fear this power, and by fearing it, the
object of your power - your ex - actually becomes almost like an
obsession to you. You think about them all the time. You dream of them.
They're the first thought in your head when you wake and the last when
you go to sleep. And this constant dwelling confuses you. You actually
come to believe that you love them and need them far
more than you actually do.
And what about the one who abandoned you?
Here are some facts to ponder:
Some abandoners often times feel powerful in the fact that they can and
have inflicted so much emotional pain on someone. They feel almighty in
the knowledge that they have, alone, created such extensive
devastation. They might even feel a heightened sense of
self-importance. Sadly, their ego may be exaggerated as they witness
either the begging and pleas, or the hopeless, lost agony coming from
Often abandoners will not openly admit to these feelings of triumph.
Hiding these emotions, they will more often than not, tend to relay
feeling of guilt or regret, either for causing the other person pain,
or simply because they are 'sorry that the relationship didn't work
However, for many abandoners the guilt is very real. To diminish their
own guilt, and justify their decision to end the relationship, they
will often point the finger away from them, blaming the other person
(you) for the break up, or for the problems in the relationship. They
will attempt to save their own face at all costs. Even at the cost of
you. They often come off as callous, heartless, or cruel to the ones
they left behind. Many 'dumpees' have come up to me and asked, "How can
they just move on so easily, and not hurt like I do? How can someone
who claimed they loved me just two weeks ago, this week announce to the
world that I am a neurotic bitch?"
Although breakups are painful, let me point out that many who make the
choice to leave and end a relationship do not set out directly to cause
hurt and pain. Their main goal is to find happiness and personal
fulfillment, not to directly cause hurt to someone they care about.
When you can stop taking 'ownership' of another's choices and start to
acknowledge that you are a lovable, worthy being, and that someday soon you will experience the unconditional love from
another, will you find peace and acceptance in the end of a
relationship and find the joyous anticipation of a new, and more stable
by Tigress Luv & Glass
Slipper Publishing is the publisher of Tigress Luv's ebook, How to Get
Over a Breakup, an instantly available online
webBook and website, or ebook download, designed to help you understand
and heal from a broken heart, and How to STOP a Breakup,
also an instantly available webBook and website, or downloadable ebook,
designed to help you STOP or reverse your breakup and get your ex back.
Both are available on this site and are free when you join our breakup
Today's Inspiration, Poem
"If we never felt sorrow, we'd never recognize bliss. At this rate I
should be in a full state of bliss for the rest of my days."
~Tigress Luv, The Breakup Guru
Prayer or Thought:
"The greatest thing about breakups is that beautiful, magical make-over
we go through. Sometimes it's likened to a rebirth. Once we 'let go' of
the grief and start to see things through rose-colored glasses again,
we take on a whole new beautiful persona. Nothing is more beneficial to
the soul that a good ol' healthy dose of broken heart. Without a broken
heart we would never learn to love ourselves, to be self-dependent, to
get to know who we are, and to stop and take a look at the 'world' that
we never saw before: The magnificence of a sunrise, the awe of the
stars, the smell of a fresh rain in the pine.
Broken hearts have a way of giving us not only a spiritual rebirth, but
a personal one, too. We change our looks, our lifestyles, sometimes
even our careers and location. And we do it all for ourselves. We don't
have to 'ask' or even 'consider' a partner in our choices. If we want
to paint our bathroom red we can do it! If we want to get plastic
surgery, who cares! If we want to trade the old dependable Dodge in on
a fancy new sports car. So be it! We don't have to answer to anybody!
We can cut our hair, grow a beard, change the color of our contacts,
and even get a nose job. We are reborn! And with this rebirth we come
out better than ever. Thank God for breakups!"
a reminder that our Breakup
Support Forums & Community has room for you!
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Thank you for reading this week's newsletter! As always, we welcome
feedback and new ideas for future newsletters.
Have a great week everyone!
published by Tigress Luv & Glass Slipper publishing, the Breakup Gurus. For more
breakup advice and forums please join us at the Lifted Hearts Breakup
Support Forums & Community at http://liftedhearts.com.
Stop your breakup here!
Thank you for visiting! Tigress
Luv, The Breakup Guru
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