For a Faster Breakup Recovery
a personal journal about your journey from heartbreak to
'better-than-ever'. I know one man who kept a record of his postings on
our break up board, starting from his devastating beginning days, to
his healed and in love again days, and then turned them into an awesome
book of self-discovery and hope.
2. Get all
your hurt, pain, frustration, anger, love - whatever emotions
you need to release - out. Place an empty chair in front of
you and imagine it to be your ex (it may help to place a
picture of your ex on the chair). Talk to him/her,
telling them all the pain you feel, all the resentment you harbor, or
the hurt feelings, emptiness, loneliness. All the love you have for
them. Get it all out! Yell, blame, cry, beg, whatever feels
good at the time.
3. Take an
evening course. For example: art, writing, computer, or graphic arts.
4. Take a
walk. I started walking about 4 weeks into my break up because I
thought I was going to go nuts! I can honestly say that, not only
did I walk the break up off, I also walked off about 10
unwanted pounds, got beautiful legs, sun-streaked hair, and a great tan!
Make your own break up music tape. Do Not include any songs that remind you of your ex! And,
try to record only insightful music (not just sappy,
sad stuff!). Such as Gloria Gaynor's "I will survive". Here are some
give it up or let me go
you were mine
child- bug a boo
houston- it's not right but it's ok
tlc- no scrubs
no doubt- end
it on this
i don't wanna cry
power of goodbye
shania twain -
that don't impress me much
anything but down
houston- heartbreak hotel
five- song for the dumped
mya- if you
died i wouldn't cry cause you never loved me anyway
mya- movin on
en vogue- too
gone, too long
morrisette- you oughta know
let 'er rip
carpenter- the last word
go your own way
i don't want to know
Find more break
up songs and lyrics at http://breakup-songs.com
6. Try something different that you haven't experienced before.
Parasailing, meditation, yoga, acupuncture, lectures, etc. Read some
new-age philosopher's books and writings.
your future. Did you know that most of your break up grief is caused
more by the loss of your 'future dreams' with them and not with the
actual loss of your relationship? Write down all your different dreams
of the future that you had planned around you and your ex
being together. Use a separate piece of paper for each dream. Example:
our dream home in Colorado, our vacation to the Bahamas next
spring, having children, etc. Individually burn each one by throwing
them into a fireplace or a fire pit. Now 'reinvent' your future.
8. Cry! Cry
long and hard. Now stop, wait five minutes, and then cry again! Some
people are only able to cry when watching a sad movie, or reading a sad
story. May we suggest you visit 'Breakup Movies' where you can find a huge selection of sad love stories and other breakup movies that you can watch right now on your computer. Visit them at http://breakup-movies.com.
9. Set aside a
certain amount of time each day that you will allow yourself to grieve
- and nothing else but grieve. It is a funny thing, but when you try to
grieve - and only grieve - you'll find that you
don't really feel all that full of grief. It's when you try not to grieve, or when you allow other things to happen while you grieve
(phone calls, television, smoking, eating) that you believe your grief
counseling or therapy to help you get in touch with your inner
feelings. Or read my ebooks ;)
11. If you're
angry try to release it in a non-destructive way. Example: pound your
pillow, go for a jog, or workout at the gym. To stop anger try to
understand what exactly it is that you are angry about and try to
understand the motives of the person that angered you, or the
reasons behind the event that angered you.
is simply fear of losing control over a situation, event, or even
yourself. Think about it, every time that you have been angry in your
past it was because - at that very time - some one
or some thing was not in your
control. To rid yourself of anger acknowledge to yourself that
sometimes we just can't control things and then learn to let the
situation go and move beyond it. (Codependent people have a lot of
anger because they are not willing to 'let go' and relinquish control.)
12. Start a
project. Example: Remodel your bathroom, grow a garden, or get in
yourself a hug! God made our arms long enough so that we may embrace
ourselves. Try it - nobody's looking. :) ...and it feels soooo good!
14. To help
you sleep keep a 'fantasy list' close to your bedside. A 'fantasy list'
is a list of things that you dream about. For instance;
planting a garden, winning the lotto, building a home. Each night
before you close your eyes pick one fantasy from the list. Now
close your eyes and think about what you would do if your fantasy came
true. Don't just 'think' about it, but rather lie back, CLOSE YOUR EYES
and plan it out detail-by-detail ... see the dream unfold
Example 1: If
you were to plant a dream garden what would you have in it? What kind
of flowers, what colors? What vegetables and herbs? Would you have
decorations or garden ornaments? A koi pond? Bird house or birdbath?
Perhaps a nature walk or cobble-stoned pathway? A resting bench? A
fountain? Can't you just smell that perfumed, fragrant aroma
waft on a soft, gentle breeze as you cozily rest by your ambrosial
Example 2: If
you were to win the lotto, what would be the first thing you would do?
Would you quit your job? Buy yourself something? Take your mother to
Paris? Start a new business? Make out (jn your mind with your eyes
closed) a detailed list of how you would enjoy your winnings. Imagine
it complete with sights, sounds, colors, smells. Don't just think that
you would buy that leather recliner you always wanted, but actually
picture in your mind you smelling the intoxicating scent of the
Before you know
it you will be fast asleep and dreaming beautifully!
yourself. Get a massage, or a makeover. Buy new shoes, or change your
entire wardrobe. Don't feel guilty - you've just been through hell, and
honey, you deserve some pampering - so spoil yourself silly!
16. If you and
your ex hung around with the same crowd, it's time to make new friends!
Join church groups, hiking/biking clubs, singles groups, or even
tournaments and sports leagues. Take dance lessons. Join
committees. Look up old friends that you have lost touch with, or
volunteer your services or help somewhere if you have spare time to
17. I've heard
this great suggestion for when you are stuck 'obsessing' about your ex.
What you are supposed to do (and I've tried this - it works!) is either
inside or outdoors, sitting or walking, start counting every single
thing you see. For instance sitting at your desk you might do something
Coffee cup. Four
without stopping until you feel you are done. This may be at
10, or even 100. Then you're supposed to focus your attention again at
the objects around you, only this time instead of counting, you are
making a comment to that thing, Example: "Pen, You just sit there until
I put action to you. I wonder how many words you have written,
how many stories you could tell." "Coffee cup, you are plain and
unattractive. A dull eggshell color." Keep this up until you feel you
are finished and refocused.
The object of
this is to re-focus your attention outward to the objects around you,
and by forcing your attention outward you stop your thoughts from being
suggestion for those who are obsessing is to QUIT focusing on the
'good' things about your ex, and start fixating on their dark side
(and, yes, they had one - we all do). Make a list
of all the mean, nasty, crazy, undesirable stuff about them and
remember how bad this stuff made you feel. Also, remember too, that
when we are brokenhearted we tend to 'idolize' and 'idealize' the one
that has rejected us. It is natural, but unfortunate, and only makes
our heart ache more. Face it, your ex was far from perfect! A more
perfect mate awaits you.
18. Do your
very own website! That's how I got started after being a relationship
break up board advisor at iVillage :) Just pick your favorite subject,
or even a business you wanted to always do - and upload it on to the
web. The plus side to this is you will get so involved in your new
website that time magically passes and when you see all your
hard work start to come to life, you gain a new appreciation for
19. Build your
own sanctuary or respite. This can be a place in your garden, a spare
room, or even your porch. Place some special plants and flowers,
figurines, or statues around. Decorate it in a calm, soothing
color scheme. Add a soft-flowing fountain, or background music of
nature tapes. Go there to re-connect with your inner spiritual self.
20. Start a
self-improvement program. You can change things
about yourself you don't like, and you can learn to understand and like
things about yourself that you didn't before. Inner-reflection and
awareness is very peaceful.
21. Check out
support forums at http://liftedhearts.com for
encouraging feedback from others going through break up grief or
22. Fall in
love with yourself. Take yourself to a movie, or a lunch at a quaint
little sidewalk cafe. Go on a short road trip, and pack along an
awesome picnic basket. Grab a blanket and a good book and make
a day of it. Fly a kite!
23. Go through
every inch of your home and pack up anything that reminds you of your
ex. This includes pictures, gifts, or even their belongings. For each
item you remove replace it with a plant or flowers! Rearrange your
furniture and reclaim your house. Remodel, redecorate. Renew!
24. Buy a
puppy, kitten, bird - or even a horse! Set up an awesome aquarium, or
terrarium. Yes - you can buy love!
friends, friends! Invite friends over for a sleep-over! No - you're
never too old for a sleep-over! Rent some awesome movies, buy
some sinful snacks and get some good board games. Better yet, plan a
Las Vegas weekend getaway with a few of your closest friends.
26. Change is
good. If you have found that during the course of your relationship you
got stuck in a rut, now is the time to wake up and revamp
yourself. Change your car, buy a new sportier or racier one - or trade
in your trusted old Betsy for a Harley. Go back to school.
Throw away your polyester slacks and buy
some slinky black leather pants. Change your hair color or get
a new do. The world is yours, honey - it's your time now so be all that
you can be.
27. Get out
and enjoy life. Join a bowling league, pool tournament, or volleyball
Start a book, a journal, a collection of poems, or even your favorite
29. Write your
ex a letter. Say whatever you want, how ever you feel. Blame,
moan, confess your love. Express forgiveness. Whatever. It is your
letter, do with it as you like. When you are all finished, rip it up!
30. Get a
plan! When we have nothing to look forward to in our future we get
depressed - especially if we keep living in our 'past'. So, make a
plan, detail it out in small steps, and then implicate these steps. It
helps motivate you to look forward to a 'tomorrow' and get you away
from living in a 'yesterday'.
your mind with brain food. For instance, I can spend hours at http://damninteresting.com.
Try it! I also have puzzles (logic, crosswords, kriss kross, etc.) and
add more all the time at the Lifted Hearts Breakup Support Community (http://liftedhearts.com).
These puzzles do tend to be 'relationship breakup' based (moving on,
dating again, etc.), though LOL
32. Burn your
past. I do this on New Years Eve every year. Get small blocks of wood
(or paper) and write down everything you want to put behind you and
bury from your present life once and for all. Get a nice, cozy fire pit
started outside, bring out some refreshments, and then sit under the
stars and ceremoniously feed your 'wooden woes' to your fire. Watch all
your past problems warmly burn away.
from your break up. Design a new series of 'break up' greeting cards,
or design a line of t-shirts with funny 'break up-lines' on them. Other
ideas for merchandising might be purses, beach towels, book/page
markers, bumper stickers, mouse pads, coffee cups, and even
34. Find forgiveness.
Finding forgiveness for those who have hurt us is very beneficial to
our post-breakup peace of mind. For information on finding forgiveness
please read How
to Get Over a Breakup -- there is an enlightening
section that specifically deals with the topic of finding
35. Learn more about your emotions.
Read our Daily Breakup Inspirations and our emotion inspirations at dailybreakupinspirations.com They're completely FREE.
published by Tigress Luv & Glass Slipper publishing, the Breakup Gurus. For more
breakup advice and forums please join us at the Lifted Hearts Breakup
Support Forums & Community at http://liftedhearts.com.
Stop your breakup here!