For 'dumpees' the world over, the BIG question is: How in the heck am I supposed to fall out of love with my ex?

The biggest mistake most people make when they breakup with their partner is to believe that they somehow have to instantly, magically "fall out of love" with their ex. That simply is just not so. Feel the love for your ex in your heart, allow the memories and good feelings to flow if you want...but just remember while allowing your heart to feel the love to also use your brain to receive feedback that it is over and will not work out. Feel free to feel the love but accept the fact that it is over, too. You can love him/her for the rest of eternity if you'd like. There is NO reason to think you have to 'fall out of love' with him/her...however you do need to go through the grief of loss, the withdrawal from that which has become an addiction if you'd like, and acknowledge and accept that the relationship is over. This is the key to getting past the grief to a point where our hearts are open and love can re-enter our lives.

But...you can't just 'will' your heart to not love someone anymore than you can will your heart not to beat. It just isn't possible! What is possible, however, is to 'allow' yourself to fall out of love. If the relationship is over then stop fighting it, and learn to accept it - learn how to 'allow' your heart to stop loving your ex.

To 'allow' your heart to stop loving your ex is hard - it means admitting to ourselves that the relationship is over, and that we will be okay - no matter what. To allow your heart to fall out of love means to open it back up and 'allow' others in. You can speed up this process by either getting rid of anything that reminds you of your ex, or by packing it away - out of sight. By clinging to the love you are not keeping the relationship alive - like your mind has convincingly deceived you into believing - all you are doing is keeping the grief alive.

Get new interests, change something about yourself or your life that you were dissatisfied with, find new hobbies, join clubs or groups and make new friends. This is a time of rebirth for you - a second chance at life - so go for it with all the gusto that you possibly can!

NOTE: Leaving a narcissist creates its own special set of emotional difficulties. To read up about narcissists and why it's so difficult to let go of a relationship with a narcissist, please visit Breaking Up With Your Narcissist.

~Tigress Luv

For more information about getting over the pain of breakup, please read How to Get Over a Breakup, by Tigress Luv, the Breakup Guru.

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