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When the Ex Contacts You

Unfinished Business: Why Has Your Ex Got Back in Touch and Should You Agree to Meet?

If you’re like most women, then you’ve probably got one ex-partner who affected you in a way that none of the others did. This guy lurks in your sub-conscious, where during moments of self-doubt he appears to remind you exactly why you failed to live up to his standards. In short, he’s the one who got under your skin. So how should you act when, out of the blue, you receive an e-mail from him hinting that he’d like to meet to discuss “unfinished business”?  Is it best to leave well alone, or should you agree so that you can finally put the relationship to bed?

And, for now, maybe...
Your ex calls you
Your ex sends you a text message
Your ex tries to ‘friend’ you on Facebook
Your ex gets back in contact with you
Your ex follows your Twitter tweets
Your ex asks your friends about you…

break them up

But Why Now?

One of the first questions to ask when you’re contacted by an ex-lover is: Why now? Perhaps you’ve made a name for yourself professionally, or maybe you’ve transformed your physical appearance and his friends have let him know just how great you’re now looking. Whatever the reason, it’s perhaps wise to be a little cynical, especially if it’s not difficult to see why your ex would be getting in touch now given – in his eyes – your newly elevated status.

If your ex has learned that you’re doing particularly well for yourself, you could perhaps now better resemble his vision of the ideal woman, the one he believed he deserved at the time you were dating – and the one you didn’t live up to in his eyes at the time. Or, if he’s heard that you’ve recently married or become engaged, his getting in touch could be nothing more than a classic case of “I don’t want you, but I don’t want anyone else to have you.”

Many men find themselves contacting an ex-partner when their lives aren’t going as well as they’d like. For example, his latest relationship may have left your ex feeling a little insecure, or his career may have taken a turn for the worse. Whatever setback your ex is currently experiencing, he may have just remembered how you were always on hand to make him feel good about himself, and he could now do with having you around to help his self-confidence recover.

Still, for now...
Your ex calls you
Your ex sends you a text message
Your ex tries to ‘friend’ you on Facebook
Your ex gets back in contact with you
Your ex follows your Twitter tweets
Your ex asks your friends about you…

contact with ex

Should You Meet?

One of the reasons you may want to meet with your ex is to satisfy your ego and vanity, especially if you were the one who was dumped in the relationship. In agreeing to meet, you get to realize the fantasy you’ve harbored since the two of you split, the one in which you meet your ex and, as you walk toward him, he can’t hide the fact that he thinks you look a million dollars. And then over the course of the evening he tells you that he never really got over you and that he thinks there’s still some unfinished business.

Obviously your current circumstances will affect how you respond and any subsequent behavior. However, regardless of whether or not you’re currently in a relationship, meeting with your ex is a dangerous path to tread. Flirting and having your ego massaged is one thing, but is it worth rekindling the relationship, especially if you have a sneaking suspicion that he’s only contacted you because he’s interested in having his own ego massaged? Remember, to him it could be no more than a game in which he wants to see whether he still yields power over you (particularly if his friends think you’re now out of his league).

move past break up

What Will You Gain?

One of the reasons you may agree to meet with your ex is because you yearn for what might have been. This could well be the case if the relationship finished in such a way that you were left with a lot of unanswered questions – the unfinished business. (As an aside, this is why it’s important for people to act like adults when ending a relationship, so that there isn’t any unfinished business.) Furthermore, as well as wanting a different ending to the relationship this time (or none at all), you may look back on the relationship and view it through rose-tinted spectacles. Perhaps the all-important question you should be asking yourself in this situation is: Why, if things were so good between the two of us, aren’t we still together?

There is always the possibility that things will be different between the two of you this time around; after all, you’re both older and wiser. However, it’s probably best to trust your gut instinct when an ex gets back in touch, especially if you think he’s contacted you for anything other than simply to enquire about your well-being. Let your vanity and ego be satisfied with the fact that he has contacted you and leave it at that. Sometimes it’s best to leave unfinished business unfinished.

breakup with your ex

We believe that our very own Tigress Luv, the Breakup Guru, has some of the most dead-on accurate breakup advice to be found. She writes about getting over a breakup, restoring a broken relationship and living with, loving and leaving a narcissist with the most accurate insight imaginable. It could be because she has been there -- and experienced it all -- herself.

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