the personality of your ex and your personality clash?...
are You? I'm a '5'! (And my ex is a narcissist *grins*)
By Tigress Luv & Glass
are you? I'm a '5'!!
How many of us who are coming out of the devastation of a relationship
breakdown hasn't spent hours and/or days analyzing what happened, what
went wrong, and how we may have contributed to the breakdown of our
relationship? Very rarely, however, do we actually understand whom we
are, and whom our mates are, and how together we just may not have had
the compatible personality needed to have made a good 'match'.
I am working on 'compatibility reports' which will teach us how to find
and keep our perfect mate by using the Enneagram System, and which,
hopefully, will have the same effect on preventing a devastating
breakup. Along with 'Emotional Intelligence', a knowledge of our
underlying personality type, and that of our mate, can be the necessary
tool that is key to a happy and successful relationship, and the secret
to reclaiming your ex and restoring your lost relationship.
For those of you who are not familiar with the Enneagram System let me
have it explained to you with the help of Mr. Will Edwards:
The Enneagram is a personality typing system, the origins of which are
not entirely clear. Some commentators have reported that it comes from
Sufi tradition, others that its roots can be traced back to Pythagoras.
What is certain, however, is that its modern application, as a
personality typing system, can be traced to George Gurdjieff, who was a
contemporary of Sigmund Freud. In this article, we briefly take a look
at each of the nine personalities.
In fact, for each of the nine main personality types in the model,
there are three sub-types, so in reality the Enneagram can be
thought-of as a system of twenty-seven personality types. However, for
this brief introduction, we will simply consider the main types.
The Nine Types of the Enneagram
The type 1 personality is familiar and recognizable for most people; it
is what we might call the perfectionist. People with this personality
type are always correcting things, straightening up pictures and
tidying. Such behaviour is driven by the need to see order and it
extends into every aspect of their lives.
The type 2 personality is loving and giving. Such people will work on
becoming the provider of whatever is required. They often see
themselves as the right-hand man (person) or lieutenant to a greater
power. Their behaviour is a product of internalizing the parental
directive, to be kind to others, into our behavioral repertoire.
Type 3 personalities are driven by the need to achieve success. Their
behaviour is characterized by the habit of doing 'whatever it takes' in
order to achieve success. This notably extends into paying a great deal
of attention to creating the right personal image.
Types 4 are, as the famous comedian Billy Connelly might say,
'wind-swept and interesting'. They are romantic, in the poetic sense of
the word. They see themselves as wild, free, Byronic individuals and
their behaviour is recognizable by a characteristic moodiness.
The Type 5 is an observer of reality, interested in what is going on
and how things work. Their success strategy revolves around the
acquisition and collection of knowledge, something that has
recognizable Sufi connection. Their behaviour is typified by a tendency
to engage with their inner life, and an equal tendency to drop out of
Type 6 personalities are prone to sense the danger in a situation or
see the flaw in the great idea. They divide into phobic and
counter-phobic types: phobic sixes tend to avoid danger whereas
counter-phobic sixes tend to confront it. They are recognizable by
their behavioral tendency to question and probe for answers.
The Type 7 is a pleasure seeker first and foremost. If there is an
array of possible choices about how to occupy their time, then the
attitude of 'where is the fun' will be an overriding consideration in
the direction of their decision.
Type 8 personalities tend to be forceful, decisive and confident. Big
on authenticity, i.e. the tendency to 'call a spade, a spade', they are
equally weak in the area of empathy, so they are indeed likely to tell
the truth, in all situations, even if it hurts.
The Type 9 is recognizable by a tendency to arbitrate or mediate in
situations and disputes, should they break out, in their company. The
type 9 does not like disharmony. An instinctive peacemaker, nines will,
generally, find themselves naturally drawn into the middle ground in
many social situations.
understanding of our own personality type can provide us with a useful
starting point for further understanding of what drives our own
behaviour and how to improve. As such the Enneagram can be described as
a fairly sophisticated tool for self-improvement, and its further
study, and application of its teaching, can be a catalyst for
significant personal improvement.
Allow me to sum up what Will Edwards has had
Type 1's can…
....Be overly aware of their every thought action and move.
....Be stressed about having things 'just so', and, therefore, they can
be sensitive to criticism as it may indicate that their deeds fell
short of perfection. Tend to be 'goody-two-shoes'.
....Take on the personal responsibility for when things may go.
....Be so stuck in being and doing 'right' that they deny themselves
the luxury of pleasure and excitement.
....Be sometimes too rigid and self-composed, giving the appearance of
being stoic or a 'stick-in-the-mud'.
Type 2's can…
....Be preoccupied with tending to others and being beneficial.
....Oftentimes only gain feelings of worthiness by sacrificing,
donating, or care-taking.
....Be prone to feelings of being taken for granted or exploited.
....Minimize or neglect their own needs, or not be able to vocalize
them. They may feel that their needs are inferior to others.
....Sometimes be coercive, governing, artful or calculating.
....Go out of their way to change for the benefit of others.
....Be very accepting and forgiving.
Type 3's can…
....Be somewhat narcissistic in that they identify themselves based on
their achievements, and
....Strive for adulation, admiration, attention and adoration based
upon their need for approval.
....Be overly aware of the 'image' they make on others.
....Feel the need to outdo and outperform.
....Be prone to dismiss or diminish their emotions.
....Appear to be self-confident but are more likely to be
Type 4's can…
....Feel like they are missing out on something better.
....Not feel happy with what they have. May feel like the grass is
always greener everywhere else.
....Seek to have the ultimate in every day things, never believing that
'commonplace' or 'the norm' is good enough; they tend to see 'ordinary'
....Often feel rejected or unworthy.
....Be prone to revel and glory in their martyrdom.
....Tend to identify themselves with what they have and the specialness
of their possessions.
Type 5's can…
....Relish their 'me-time' and don't like intrusions into their
....Prefer to remain private and do not like to get too involved in
outside activities; they can sometimes come off as aloof, 'standoffish'
and detached as a result.
....Prefer not to share personal information or revelations about
themselves easily, but are insightful and intuitive to others.
....Tend to deny their own emotions, they prefer to coldly detach and
be non-participative or unresponsive.
....Not be big on grand-standing; they tend to downplay or undercut and
are prone to being minimalistic.
....Have a thirst for knowledge for personal reasons of
Type 6's can…
....Be the ultimate worrywart, they may become especially aware of the
little, everyday hidden dangers or 'hazards' around them.
....Be non-trusting and tend to question everything and everybody;
preferring to reach their own conclusions.
....Be like a true 'Doubting Thomas'; they may be overly skeptical and
....Be affectionate and protective partners and parents.
....Succumb to procrastination. Although they are hard-working, they
may postpone the completion of certain projects or activities for fear
of an erroneous or negative outcome.
Type 7's can…
....Be noncommittal. This group has a tendency to have
commitment-phobia as they do not like to set limitations or boundaries
on their 'own' adventure.
....Be risk taking; they are in life just for the thrill of it,
oftentimes not seeing the dangerous side to their spontaneous or not
well 'thought-out' actions.
....Live happily in the 'now' moment.
....Have a positive outlook; these enjoyment seekers are never
....Be energized. Boundless energy and limitless enthusiasm are their
* Sagittarians are often the Type 7 Personality.
Type 8's can…
....Be impulsive and with the tendency to seek aggravating
circumstances for personal stimulation.
....Often stick up for the underdog or come to the defense of those
that are weaker; they make excellent and resourceful problem solvers.
....Be quick tempered and bold; they will dauntingly come face-to-face
with any opposition.
....Be overpowering. They may be bullying, confrontational, controlling
or assertive; rarely will they back down.
....Be non-accepting of their own vulnerabilities; they do not see
themselves as weak, or acknowledge their own susceptibility. Like a
protective shield or dome, they feel if they are aggressive 'outwards',
then nobody will be able to penetrate them 'inwards'.
Type 9's can…
....Be too agreeable. Displaying many 'Dependent Personality' traits,
they find it difficult to tell someone 'no' or turn down requests of
favors, even if doing so places undo pressures upon themselves.
....Be prone to complacency in order to keep everything peaceful; they
tend to make excellent mediators and matchmakers. Upset causes them
....Not like to rock the boat, but rather try to keep everything
harmonized and balanced, and to ensure that all have the advantage of
....Deny their own needs and wants, preferring to make everybody else
around them happy.
....Be accepting and trusting, sometimes to a fault.
Well, I took the free Enneagram test at http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/dis_sample_36.asp and found out that I am a number 5 :) - and a 'borderline' 3,
6, and 9. Here is a screen pic of my results:
to find out what the basic fear and desire is of each type visit: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enneagram_of_Personality
P.S. I'm thoroughly enjoying writing these reports, but find them to be
VERY time consuming :) So, please forgive me if some of your emails are
for more information about breaking up with a narcissist, or to join
our new narcissist support forum and read some of our insightful posts,
please visit 'Breaking
Up With Your Narcissist' at http://breakingupwithyournarcissist.com.
Today's Inspiration, Poem
"The pain experienced during
a breakup is as individual as the trillions of people who go through it."
Prayer or Thought:
I'll start 'seeing' by inner reflection. Today I will fully see all my
bad habits and negative attitudes, and search hard within myself for a
way to understand and 'fix' what I don't like. I will acknowledge that
my negativities are merely signs of unseen difficulties inside me. By
changing myself, I change those around me.
a reminder that our Breakup
Support Forums & Community has room for you!
Membership is only $19 to YOU at http://liftedhearts.com !
Today I will see that the only true time I can change another is when I
have created change in myself." ~Tigress Luv
Thank you for reading this week's newsletter! As always, we welcome
feedback and new ideas for future newsletters.
Have a great week everyone!
published by Tigress Luv & Glass Slipper publishing, the Breakup Gurus. For more
breakup advice and forums please join us at the Lifted Hearts Breakup
Support Forums & Community at http://liftedhearts.com.
Stop your breakup here!