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by Tigress Luv, The Breakup Guru & by Glass Slipper Publishing

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Matching Personalities and Your Enneagram

Does the personality of your ex and your personality clash?...

What are You? I'm a '5'! (And my ex is a narcissist *grins*)
By Tigress Luv &
Glass Slipper Publishing

^^^^^

What are you? I'm a '5'!!

How many of us who are coming out of the devastation of a relationship breakdown hasn't spent hours and/or days analyzing what happened, what went wrong, and how we may have contributed to the breakdown of our relationship? Very rarely, however, do we actually understand whom we are, and whom our mates are, and how together we just may not have had the compatible personality needed to have made a good 'match'.

Currently, I am working on 'compatibility reports' which will teach us how to find and keep our perfect mate by using the Enneagram System, and which, hopefully, will have the same effect on preventing a devastating breakup. Along with 'Emotional Intelligence', a knowledge of our underlying personality type, and that of our mate, can be the necessary tool that is key to a happy and successful relationship, and the secret to reclaiming your ex and restoring your lost relationship.

For those of you who are not familiar with the Enneagram System let me have it explained to you with the help of Mr. Will Edwards:

The Enneagram is a personality typing system, the origins of which are not entirely clear. Some commentators have reported that it comes from Sufi tradition, others that its roots can be traced back to Pythagoras. What is certain, however, is that its modern application, as a personality typing system, can be traced to George Gurdjieff, who was a contemporary of Sigmund Freud. In this article, we briefly take a look at each of the nine personalities.

In fact, for each of the nine main personality types in the model, there are three sub-types, so in reality the Enneagram can be thought-of as a system of twenty-seven personality types. However, for this brief introduction, we will simply consider the main types.

The Nine Types of the Enneagram

The type 1 personality is familiar and recognizable for most people; it is what we might call the perfectionist. People with this personality type are always correcting things, straightening up pictures and tidying. Such behaviour is driven by the need to see order and it extends into every aspect of their lives.

The type 2 personality is loving and giving. Such people will work on becoming the provider of whatever is required. They often see themselves as the right-hand man (person) or lieutenant to a greater power. Their behaviour is a product of internalizing the parental directive, to be kind to others, into our behavioral repertoire.

Type 3 personalities are driven by the need to achieve success. Their behaviour is characterized by the habit of doing 'whatever it takes' in order to achieve success. This notably extends into paying a great deal of attention to creating the right personal image.

Types 4 are, as the famous comedian Billy Connelly might say, 'wind-swept and interesting'. They are romantic, in the poetic sense of the word. They see themselves as wild, free, Byronic individuals and their behaviour is recognizable by a characteristic moodiness.

The Type 5 is an observer of reality, interested in what is going on and how things work. Their success strategy revolves around the acquisition and collection of knowledge, something that has recognizable Sufi connection. Their behaviour is typified by a tendency to engage with their inner life, and an equal tendency to drop out of conversations.

Type 6 personalities are prone to sense the danger in a situation or see the flaw in the great idea. They divide into phobic and counter-phobic types: phobic sixes tend to avoid danger whereas counter-phobic sixes tend to confront it. They are recognizable by their behavioral tendency to question and probe for answers.

The Type 7 is a pleasure seeker first and foremost. If there is an array of possible choices about how to occupy their time, then the attitude of 'where is the fun' will be an overriding consideration in the direction of their decision.

Type 8 personalities tend to be forceful, decisive and confident. Big on authenticity, i.e. the tendency to 'call a spade, a spade', they are equally weak in the area of empathy, so they are indeed likely to tell the truth, in all situations, even if it hurts.

The Type 9 is recognizable by a tendency to arbitrate or mediate in situations and disputes, should they break out, in their company. The type 9 does not like disharmony. An instinctive peacemaker, nines will, generally, find themselves naturally drawn into the middle ground in many social situations.

An understanding of our own personality type can provide us with a useful starting point for further understanding of what drives our own behaviour and how to improve. As such the Enneagram can be described as a fairly sophisticated tool for self-improvement, and its further study, and application of its teaching, can be a catalyst for significant personal improvement.

Allow me to sum up what Will Edwards has had to say…

Type 1's can…
....Be overly aware of their every thought action and move.
....Be stressed about having things 'just so', and, therefore, they can be sensitive to criticism as it may indicate that their deeds fell short of perfection. Tend to be 'goody-two-shoes'.
....Take on the personal responsibility for when things may go.
....Be so stuck in being and doing 'right' that they deny themselves the luxury of pleasure and excitement.
....Be sometimes too rigid and self-composed, giving the appearance of being stoic or a 'stick-in-the-mud'.


Type 2's can…
....Be preoccupied with tending to others and being beneficial.
....Oftentimes only gain feelings of worthiness by sacrificing, donating, or care-taking.
....Be prone to feelings of being taken for granted or exploited.
....Minimize or neglect their own needs, or not be able to vocalize them. They may feel that their needs are inferior to others.
....Sometimes be coercive, governing, artful or calculating.
....Go out of their way to change for the benefit of others.
....Be very accepting and forgiving.


Type 3's can…
....Be somewhat narcissistic in that they identify themselves based on their achievements, and
....Strive for adulation, admiration, attention and adoration based upon their need for approval.
....Be overly aware of the 'image' they make on others.
....Feel the need to outdo and outperform.
....Be prone to dismiss or diminish their emotions.
....Appear to be self-confident but are more likely to be 'self-conscious'.


Type 4's can…
....Feel like they are missing out on something better.
....Not feel happy with what they have. May feel like the grass is always greener everywhere else.
....Seek to have the ultimate in every day things, never believing that 'commonplace' or 'the norm' is good enough; they tend to see 'ordinary' as 'substandard'.
....Often feel rejected or unworthy.
....Be prone to revel and glory in their martyrdom.
....Tend to identify themselves with what they have and the specialness of their possessions.


Type 5's can…
....Relish their 'me-time' and don't like intrusions into their 'personal space'.
....Prefer to remain private and do not like to get too involved in outside activities; they can sometimes come off as aloof, 'standoffish' and detached as a result.
....Prefer not to share personal information or revelations about themselves easily, but are insightful and intuitive to others.
....Tend to deny their own emotions, they prefer to coldly detach and be non-participative or unresponsive.
....Not be big on grand-standing; they tend to downplay or undercut and are prone to being minimalistic.
....Have a thirst for knowledge for personal reasons of self-preservation.


Type 6's can…
....Be the ultimate worrywart, they may become especially aware of the little, everyday hidden dangers or 'hazards' around them.
....Be non-trusting and tend to question everything and everybody; preferring to reach their own conclusions.
....Be like a true 'Doubting Thomas'; they may be overly skeptical and 'non-believers'.
....Be affectionate and protective partners and parents.
....Succumb to procrastination. Although they are hard-working, they may postpone the completion of certain projects or activities for fear of an erroneous or negative outcome.


Type 7's can…
....Be noncommittal. This group has a tendency to have commitment-phobia as they do not like to set limitations or boundaries on their 'own' adventure.
....Be risk taking; they are in life just for the thrill of it, oftentimes not seeing the dangerous side to their spontaneous or not well 'thought-out' actions.
....Live happily in the 'now' moment.
....Have a positive outlook; these enjoyment seekers are never 'downers'.
....Be energized. Boundless energy and limitless enthusiasm are their core objectives.
  * Sagittarians are often the Type 7 Personality.


Type 8's can…
....Be impulsive and with the tendency to seek aggravating circumstances for personal stimulation.
....Often stick up for the underdog or come to the defense of those that are weaker; they make excellent and resourceful problem solvers.
....Be quick tempered and bold; they will dauntingly come face-to-face with any opposition.
....Be overpowering. They may be bullying, confrontational, controlling or assertive; rarely will they back down.
....Be non-accepting of their own vulnerabilities; they do not see themselves as weak, or acknowledge their own susceptibility. Like a protective shield or dome, they feel if they are aggressive 'outwards', then nobody will be able to penetrate them 'inwards'.


Type 9's can…
....Be too agreeable. Displaying many 'Dependent Personality' traits, they find it difficult to tell someone 'no' or turn down requests of favors, even if doing so places undo pressures upon themselves.
....Be prone to complacency in order to keep everything peaceful; they tend to make excellent mediators and matchmakers. Upset causes them stress.
....Not like to rock the boat, but rather try to keep everything harmonized and balanced, and to ensure that all have the advantage of fairness.
....Deny their own needs and wants, preferring to make everybody else around them happy.
....Be accepting and trusting, sometimes to a fault.


Well, I took the free Enneagram test at http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/dis_sample_36.asp and found out that I am a number 5  :) - and a 'borderline' 3, 6, and 9. Here is a screen pic of my results:

enneagram

And to find out what the basic fear and desire is of each type visit: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enneagram_of_Personality

P.S. I'm thoroughly enjoying writing these reports, but find them to be VERY time consuming :) So, please forgive me if some of your emails are going unanswered!

And for more information about breaking up with a narcissist, or to join our new narcissist support forum and read some of our insightful posts, please visit 'Breaking Up With Your Narcissist' at http://breakingupwithyournarcissist.com.

Section 2

Today's Inspiration, Poem or Quote:

"The pain experienced during a breakup is as individual as the trillions of people who go through it."  ~Tigress Luv

Today's Prayer or Thought:

"Today I'll start 'seeing' by inner reflection. Today I will fully see all my bad habits and negative attitudes, and search hard within myself for a way to understand and 'fix' what I don't like. I will acknowledge that my negativities are merely signs of unseen difficulties inside me. By changing myself, I change those around me.

Today I will see that the only true time I can change another is when I have created change in myself.
" ~Tigress Luv

Just a reminder that our Breakup Support Forums & Community has room for you! Membership is only $19 to YOU at http://liftedhearts.com !

Thank you for reading this week's newsletter! As always, we welcome feedback and new ideas for future newsletters.

Have a great week everyone!

Article published by Tigress Luv & Glass Slipper publishing, the Breakup Gurus. For more breakup advice and forums please join us at the Lifted Hearts Breakup Support Forums & Community at http://liftedhearts.com.

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