THE PROPER WAY TO BREAK UP..."Ways to End Relationships and Questions to Ask Before Ending a Relationship "
By Tigress Luv, The Break Up Guru


Ways to End Relationships and Questions to Ask Before Ending a Relationship

(NOTE: This is the final part of a three-part series)

Part Three

I usually write my newsletter based for those who have broken up with their partner and are unhappy with that fact. But many of my subscribers remain still in unsatisfying relationships but do not know the proper way to break it off. This week's newsletter is for these people.

The first thing to know, before you learn the ways to end relationships, is the preparation of the moment. You do not want to do anything spur of the moment and without thinking it out thoroughly first. So there are also questions to ask before ending a relationship! Like, am I sure I want to do this?

1) Always be prepared for a scene! Do not break up with them in a public place. Find a place that is quiet and where you two can be alone. Of all the ways to end relationships, breaking up in a restaurant or club is the least tactful way imaginable. Your soon-to-be-ex may cry uncontrollably, beg you to change your mind, or even make a scene by yelling at you, calling you names, or throwing a dish of linguine in your lap then following it with a glass of red wine over your head.

2) Stay sober! If you want to truly find the best ways to end relationships, being drunk at the time is not one of them. You must remain level-headed and of sound mind and body.

3) Be respectful! Treat them with dignity. You are the one inflicting the pain here, so make sure that you do it in the least hurtful way that you possibly can. If you need to let yourself be the 'bad one', just to save their ego, by all means do it. I'm sure you weren't perfect, anyway, right? When searching for ways to end relationships you have to understand that rejection hurts, and that by ending the relationship you are rejecting them as a person. How much damage do you think that will do to their ego and self-esteem? Quite a lot, so try to soften the blow and treat them with respect and dignity.

4) Make sure you are SURE you want to end the relationship! Don't burn your bridges and then decide you want to do a u-turn and go back. There are many ways to end relationships but sometimes, there aren't any ways to save it. Most of the time, once a relationship is over, it is over. Are there any questions to ask before ending a relationship? Yes, this is a big - and permanent step - so make sure you have resolved to the fact that the relationship is over.

5) Don't leave any loose ends. Before you even attempt to end the relationship make sure that you have all your belongings back, and that they do to. You do not want to leave the possibility of any reason for contact open.

6) Watch your timing! You do not want to destroy someone who is going through a difficult time in their own life, such as dealing with a family member's illness, cramming for a final exam, etc. Or break someone's heart when it is about time for them to celebrate their birthday, or it is just a few days away from Valentine's Day or Christmas. Don't be a jerk about your timing. It can wait a few more days or weeks, can't it?

7) State clearly that you are breaking up with them. Don't hem and haw, don't beat around the bush, and don't hope that if you just 'taper' off from contact with them that the relationship will dissolve on its own. As a matter of fact, the less you are in their life, the more they feel attached to you by longing for you during your absence. That's one trick people use to get their ex to come back to them! This one is the least likely to be successful of all the ways to end relationships. Hoping you two can just drift apart will most likely backfire on you.

8) Don't point fingers. The relationship isn't working. You both suck. Period. One of the worse ways to end relationships is to make a list to the person you are breaking up with of all their faults, flaws, or where they went wrong. This gives them the impression that the relationship can be saved if they just work on fixing those things about them that you don't like. There is no closure to be had on their part when they hold hope that they can get back together with you if they can only do 'this' differently or change 'that' about themselves.

9) Stop all contact. There is no need for late night booty calls. There is no need to hug them and kiss them passionately good-bye. Just end the relationship and then stay out of their life. If you choose to remain friends, that's fine, but only do so after the feelings of grief or jealousy are over. Wait this period out before you come in contact with each other again. Don't make a point of being anywhere where you know they may be, unless you can't avoid it, such as work or school. But you don't have to go to the same clubs, or parties, or restaurants as the person you just broke up with. That is just in bad taste. Let them have time to mend - without you in the picture.

10) If they contact you, do not respond. Each time you respond you will only be encouraging them and that will result in prolonging their heartache, and delaying their breakup recovery. Be firm, be direct.

11) And lastly, be prepared to doubt your decision to break up. Especially if they seem to take the breakup fairly casually, don't bother to try to talk you out of it, or never attempt to contact you or see you again. This is their way of turning the rejection back onto you, and it is by the very fact of being rejected by someone do we lose our ego. This loss of ego makes us feel like we want them back in our good graces, so we can again feel good about ourselves. That is why the best selling books are ones on 'how to win an ex back'...because people cannot stand rejection, and it is even especially harder if the person who is rejecting you is someone you look up to, admire, love and respect.

Remember those questions to ask before ending a relationship? I hope you asked yourself them. Can this relationship be saved before I breakup? Is there hope to salvage the damage of past wrongs? Is there outside sources that we might get help as a couple from? Can she/he change? Can I?

If you still find yourself uneasy with the thought of initiating a breakup with someone, and need more encouragement or help, we offer you these 20 ways to leave your lover or go to http://endrelationship.com/Ways_to_break_up/how_to_break_up.php!

AND, if, by chance, someone has broken up with you and you are NOT happy with this, please visit my http://breakuperaser.com for some great information on how to win them back and 'erase' your breakup.

Note: Our breakup support community has just had a brand-new makeover! We now have all of my ebooks, as well as some other's, plus hundreds of articles on breaking up, narcissism, commitmentphobia, codependency and more - plus our breakup poems galore, and, of course, our loving and insightful support forum. Check it out today at our reduced cost of just $19. http://brokenheartsville.com .

Section 2

Today's Inspiration, Poem or Quote:

"I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you" This week's quote describes our relationships with narcissistic people! There is nothing REAL about narcissists, but by the time you realize this it is usually too late - you are smack-dab-in-the-middle of being in love with a feigned 'persona'. For more information on breaking up with a narcissist, please visit http://breakingupwithyournarcissist.com

Today's Prayer or Thought:

"An Ode to Breakup Makeovers!

The greatest thing about breakups is that beautiful, magical make-over we go through. Sometimes it's likened to a rebirth. Once we 'let go' of the grief and start to see things through rose-colored glasses again, we take on a whole new beautiful persona.

Nothing is more beneficial to the soul that a good ol' healthy dose of broken heart. Without a broken heart we would never learn to love ourselves, to be self-dependent, to get to know who we are, and to stop and take a look at the 'world' that we never saw before: The magnificence of a sunrise, the awe of the stars, the smell of a fresh rain in the pine.

Broken hearts have a way of giving us not only a spiritual rebirth, but a personal one, too. We change our looks, our lifestyles, sometimes even our careers and location. And we do it all for ourselves. We don't have to 'ask' or even 'consider' a partner in our choices. If we want to paint our bathroom red we can do it! If we want to get plastic surgery, who cares! If we want to trade the old dependable Dodge in on a fancy new sports car. So be it! We don't have to answer to anybody! We can cut our hair, grow a beard, change the color of our contacts, and even get a nose job. We are reborn! And with this rebirth we come out better than ever. Thank God for breakups!" ~ Tigress Luv, The Break Up Guru.

Best wishes! I hope every one of you has had a good holiday season and I hope you all have a FANTASTIC 2010!

Just a reminder that our Brokenheartsville Community has room for you! Membership is only $19 to YOU at http://brokenheartsville.com !

Thank you for reading this week's newsletter! As always, I welcome feedback and new ideas for future newsletters.

Have a great week everyone!

Tiggy

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For more information about getting over the pain of breakup, please read How to Get Over a Breakup, by Tigress Luv, the Breakup Guru.

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