BEFORE ENDING YOUR RELATIONSHIP..."Why ask for a "time-out'?"
By Tigress Luv, The Break Up Guru


Why Ask For a 'Time-Out'

(NOTE: This is the second part of a three-part series to be delivered over the month of December. Part One: Dec 8th - Questions To Ask Yourself BEFORE Ending a Relationship. Part Two: Dec 21st - The REAL Reasons Why People Ask for Relationship 'Breaks' or a 'Time-Out'. Part Three: Dec 28th - How to End a Relationship

Part Two: Dec 21st - The REAL Reasons Why People Ask for Relationship 'Breaks' or a 'Time-Out'

Some people may think they are playing it safe by asking for a 'time out'. For the most part, "I want a 'time-out'" really means:

1. THE "OKAY" TO CHEAT OPTION: "I've met somebody hot and I want to sleep with them. When I am done sailing other waters I may sail my vessel on yours again, but free from the guilt of betraying you as, technically, we will be 'broken up' when I will be with this other person."

2. THE 'MISTAKE ERASER' OPTION: "I really want to break up with you, but if I'm no good at being alone, or if I can't find somebody else, I want to know I can always go back to you.

3. THE COWARD'S WAY OUT OPTION: "I really, truly want to end my relationship with you, but I am not brave enough to tell you that it is over, or I just can't stand to hurt you and see you cry. Therefore I will suggest a 'time-out' in hopes that you either meet somebody else, or that we just slowly and painlessly 'drift apart' and move on in opposite directions."

("Why did you leave me? When did you leave me? Where was I when this happened? "~Tigress Luv, The Breakup Guru)

4. THE WAKE-UP CALL OPTION: "You are NOT listening to me when I tell you that there are things that I want/need from you that you are not giving me, or that there is a certain behavior of yours that I just cannot tolerate anymore - but one that you just don't seem to make an effort to stop or change. Therefore I'm asking for a time-out, hoping that in the interim you will see how truly valuable I am to you and make the choice to change your undesirable behavior and mend your ways before you lose me for good."

5. DO YOU REALLY LOVE ME OPTION: "YOU messed up and I need time away from you to decide what I want to do (Translation: A, do I love you enough to work it through and/or forgive you.... B, were we both equally, or, at least, partially responsible, or C, does your wrongdoing prove to me that you really do not love me - at least not in the way that I need to be loved?)"

6. DO I REALLY LOVE YOU OPTION: "I have doubts or I messed up and I'm now confused over whether I really, truly love you or not. I keep thinking that if I really, truly loved you I would not have done this 'thing' that I did, or have these doubts about you being the 'one' for me."

What can you do if your partner asks you for a 'time-out'?

Well, there is a lot to be heard from the old saying that one 'cannot see the forest for the trees'. Sometimes a 'time-out' can lead to an eye-opening epiphany into your deepest of emotions and feelings; your fears and desires; or into understanding what is truly important to you or what you really can easily learn to live without.

Sometimes a 'time-out' can work in your favor! It creates a perfect opportunity for showing your partner just how important and valuable your presence is in their life. However, your partner will never miss you or see the value in you if you are right there constantly in their face with text messages, phone calls, emails, etc., or if you act or behave in a desperate or hopeless way.

The best thing you can possibly do is to graciously grant them the 'time out' and take that time, yourself, to taste your own freedom, to examine your inner motives, to question your love, and to reconnect with 'you'. The worst thing you can do is to harass them, threaten them, cling to them, or beg and plead with them to take you back! Give them the time out that they request with a gentle and quiet class and dignity, but make sure that you take the 'time out' for yourself, too!

At one time or another, we all need our 'space' - our 'time out' - and for whatever reason we may need this space we shouldn't be put in a spot where we feel we are forced to sacrifice our 'personal time/space' to that of another. We only end up with resentment for them; feelings of being burdened, suffocated or smothered by them; or even possibly feelings of superiority over them!

Note: Our breakup support community has just had a brand-new makeover! We now have all of my ebooks, as well as some other's, plus hundreds of articles on breaking up, narcissism, commitmentphobia, codependency and more - plus our breakup poems galore, and, of course, our loving and insightful support forum. Check it out today at our reduced cost of just $19. http://brokenheartsville.com .

Section 2

Today's Inspiration, Poem or Quote:

"I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you"

Today's Prayer or Thought:

"The Love of Another Cannot Fix Our Own Wrongness:

'Love' is not a fix for our own wrongness. We have to find the wounds within ourselves and listen to them. When we can eliminate the wrongness within ourselves we can feel free from the obsessive love we give to our partners.

This week let us understand that only we can make ourselves feel whole. Another person may enhance upon our personality, but needn't be there to give it definition and meaning" ~ Tigress Luv, The Break Up Guru.

Just a reminder that our Brokenheartsville Community has room for you! Membership is only $19 to YOU at http://brokenheartsville.com !

Thank you for reading this week's newsletter! As always, I welcome feedback and new ideas for future newsletters.

Have a great week everyone!

Tiggy

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For more information about getting over the pain of breakup, please read How to Get Over a Breakup, by Tigress Luv, the Breakup Guru.

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