Empty Heart of a Narcissist...
The Empty, Decayed Heart of the Narcissist
by Tigress Luv & Glass
Slipper Publishing (You may join our mailing list by clicking here)
anybody read our articles on narcissism? Again this week we thought we
would post one here on Narcissism, since many of us here are suffering
the 'after-effects' of loving a narcissist and many have requested more
help with recovering from a narcissistic-based relationship.
How can one explain a narcissist' heart? In
one word: Absent.
The narcissist has an outer
core - one of dashing beauty and spectacular wit, charm and
intelligence. This is the 'image', the 'presentation' that a narcissist displays for his public; his followers,
or his 'charmed circle' are the catalyst which he uses to bring his
image to life. But it is not real. He is not real. There is no such man
as the one he displays; it is only an image that you see. An illusion.
The narcissist is a Master Illusionist.
Think of the narcissist's
image and your role in his life like a scene in a play. You are only
important to him as the scene plays out and delightfully captures the
audience's approval. If for some reason the scene isn't playing out in
his favor, or you somehow don't enhance the scene anymore or make the
actor shine, he can easily - and without a second thought - 'cut you'
from the play. You mean nothing more to him than a prop.
You may be 'cut' from his play
for other reasons, too. For instance, if for some reason keeping you in
his 'play' creates the risk of 'exposing' or 'revealing' the real man
under the 'mask' or the real actor behind the role,
he, again, may just 'eliminate' you. It doesn't take much. A narcissist
only has those around him as long as they somehow enhance his 'false
persona' or engage in helping make his image look good. Once these
advantages he gains from them lose their worthiness he simply 'erases'
them from his life as if they were not 'real' people with emotions and
Take for instance Neil
Entwistle. Here was a narcissist whose own wife and infant daughter -
by the very nature of needing him to support them - threatened to
expose him as being a financial fraud and a failure. By needing him to
support them they unknowingly 'called him out' as a fake, no longer
enabling the fake image of the 'financially successful' man that he
displayed to the world around him. It was only a matter of time before
he would be exposed - only a matter of time before they would need to
be taken care of by a financially stable man. Something he faked being.
An image he couldn't risk losing. His simple solution to keep alive his
image was to just eliminate his wife and baby daughter.
And this he did cold-heartedly
with a Colt.22.
In court he smiled and showed
no remorse; as likened to a sociopath remorse is not something the
narcissist has the ability to feel for the victims he leaves behind.
They are simply 'pawns' in his game, make-believe characters in his
play, and nothing more. To the narcissistic Neil Entwistle, eliminating
his wife and baby was no more real to him than hitting the 'backspace'
or 'delete' button on his keyboard.
A narcissist doesn't see
'love' like the rest of us. He views 'love' for another only based on
what that other person can add to his life or his image. Once the
person can no longer add 'positively' to his image, or threatens to
expose the narcissist's real self, he simply will not only fall out of
love, but has the capacity to completely erase or eliminate that person
from his life all together. Whether that person be a child, a spouse, a
best friend, or even a parent is not of importance to the narcissist.
Any relative or partner that, by the very means of their existence is
viewed as a threat to the image the narcissist has created can
be eliminated without a second thought. To a narcissist ALL
people in his life are 'expendable' and useful only as long as they
serve to positively enhance his ego or his image.
A narcissist wears a mask -
24-7, except in the privacy of his most intimate relationships.
Unfortunately, the more intimate the relationship the more likely he is
to reveal his true self - the man quivering under the mask - THE
MAN HIDING BEHIND THE CURTAIN. In the mind of a narcissist
revealing his true self means 'destroying' his successful mask. By
removing his mask you are, for lack of better analogy - 'killing' him.
To Neil Entwistle killing his family was a means of which he used to
prevent them from 'killing' him.
As Dr. Keith Ablow puts it: "Men
like Entwistle - the Scott Petersons of this world - feel like
stripping their masks away is tantamount to killing them, because they
believe those thin, synthetic disguises are all that keep them from
dissolving into nothingness and feeling the full weight of unspeakable
emotional turmoil, with roots that always reach deep into their pasts."
Some narcissists commit
'mental' murder. How? They simply ostracize you.
They speak not your name. They ignore your existence. If you were to
run into them somewhere they would not acknowledge your presence at
all. To them, they have 'killed' you off, leaving you a non-entity.
This ostracizing far surpasses 'apathy' as it entails intentionally and
purposefully committing acts of 'mental murder'. By its very nature,
apathy is not 'intentional' - but ostracism is. The narcissist has
intentionally and with direct malice aimed at destroying you, killed
you off, all in the attempt to keep his false image alive and protected
from whatever 'goods' you have on him.
Sometimes a narcissist becomes so entangled in his 'image' that his
real self ceases to exist; Dr. Ablow likens this to 'dissolving into
nothingness'. Like a dummy brought to life by the artist's hands, the
narcissist brings to life the character he portrays while
his 'real self' was killed off by his alter-ego years and years before.
The Twilight Zone's episode, 'The Dummy', could easily describe a
narcissist downfall. When the dummy (the alter-ego) gets more and more
fanfare than the man behind the dummy, the man behind the dummy slowly
ceases to exist and is replaced by the image he created.
more information about breaking up with a narcissist - from someone
that understands how you feel because she has been there - please visit
'Breaking Up With Your Narcissist' at http://breakingupwithyournarcissist.com.
Inspiration, Poem or Quote:
no idea of what a poor opinion I have of myself, and how little I
deserve it." - William Schwenck
Week's Prayer or Thought:
I've been blaming poor choices of mates for my failed relationships,
I'll ask myself whether these choices were mine, or choices thrust upon
Today I'll take the time to see how my poor choices may be a reflection
of my own low self-esteem.
I will not judge myself harshly, nor condemn myself, for my
past choices - but simply gain from this new insight that I am a good
person, worthy of love and respect. Today I have will learn to be more
selective in future mates."
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Thank you for reading this week's newsletter! As always, we welcome
feedback and new ideas for future newsletters.
published by Tigress Luv & Glass Slipper Publishing, the Breakup Gurus. For more
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