The Ultimate Guide to Coping With a Breakup and Getting Dumped (and Taking it like a Champ)
Being dumped sucks. Whether you saw the end approaching or not, there is a definite recovery process that comes immediately after a breakup. Sadly, we can’t force this process to end any sooner; there is no magic word that will make you get over it. There are, however, plenty of tips that will make your post-breakup experience much more bearable.
Acknowledge and remind yourself that the relationship is over. It may seem harsh, but this is perhaps one of the most important aspects of the post-breakup experience. Too many people make the mistake of harboring some hope that the ex will change his or her mind and the relationship will be magically rekindled. If you’re one of these people, knock it off. Stop thinking this. Even if there is a possibility of getting back together, resist the urge to use this thought as comfort. You’ll be thankful you did this when and if the day comes that you see your ex with his or her new partner. Reassuring yourself that the relationship isn’t really over is setting yourself up for heartbreak and disappointment.
It’s okay to be emotional. You are going to be angry; you are going to be heartbroken; you are going to feel hopeless; you are going to be scared of the change that this breakup has brought upon your life. It’s normal to want to cry or scream or punch something. It may sound like the absolute last thing you want to do, but consider getting some exercise. Going for a run, for instance, will boost your mood by releasing endorphins, and the vigorous physical activity will release some of the anger and aggression you may be experiencing.
Find a shoulder to cry on. You’ll be surprised to discover how many people around you are good listeners. Telling someone else about the breakup and what you’re feeling can offer some relief as well as a fresh perspective and potential advice.
Do not beg your ex to reconsider. It may feel like you could change your ex’s mind with tears or pleading or a good, solid argument, but you can’t. Depending on the nature of the relationship, it’s very likely that your ex put a lot of thought into her decision; in fact, she’s probably experiencing a slew of not-so-pleasant emotions just like you are. If she decides to rekindle the relationship, she will tell you. As of right now, though, she needs to be left alone. She broke up with you because, for some reason or other, the relationship wasn’t working for her; respect that and give her some space. It will be good for both of you, and help you to more easily cope with the breakup. Space is good!
Find something else to do. Yes, it’s very much healthy to talk about what you’re feeling, but don’t overdo it. Firstly, even the most patient of friends doesn’t want to hear about how unfair you think this is twenty times an hour; they love you, but it gets a little old. Secondly, and more importantly, by thinking and talking about nothing but your breakup, you’re hindering the healing process. Of course you’re allowed to be a wreck for a while, but at some point you are going to have to simply do something else. Resume some hobbies that you used to do independently of your former partner; take up some new ones, even! Spend some time with your friends and family. If you’re in school, take on some extra credit assignments in your favorite classes. Do anything that makes you feel good and doesn’t involve your ex. This will distract you and give you things to look forward to.
Don’t do anything crazy. Does it even need to be said? Joining the army or quitting your job or attempting suicide will not get your ex’s attention. In fact, doing any of these things in the name of laying guilt upon or otherwise shouting “Look at me!” to your former boyfriend or girlfriend is a major turn-off. Use common sense and don’t be a drama queen and you should be able to cope with a breakup.
Don’t go looking for answers. It’s tempting, but do not contact him or his friends asking what he was thinking. If he wants you to know then you will know. Consider that he might not even be capable of explaining it right now and putting him on the spot like that would only serve to stress both of you out. Asking his friends will yield nothing of use. Unless they are more loyal to you than they are to him (doubtful), they will prioritize his privacy over your nosiness and won’t tell you what you want to know. Yes, dealing with an unclear or unexplained breakup is gut-wrenchingly difficult, but you can do it. Exercise some self-control and don’t go snooping around for information; you’ll be proud of yourself for it later.
Coping with a breakup is difficult. Coping with this breakup is going to take some time. It’s going to be an emotional, challenging, and exhausting process, but you will get through it. There’s no telling how long it will take for you, but utilize the tips presented here as often as you can to make this bumpy ride a little more smooth. Remember that you will eventually come out the other end unscathed, or perhaps even a better person for the experience. Overall, don’t worry; it gets better.
We believe that our very own Tigress Luv, the Breakup Guru, has some of the most dead-on accurate breakup advice to be found. She writes about getting over a breakup, restoring a broken relationship and living with, loving and leaving a narcissist with the most accurate insight imaginable. It could be because she has been there -- and experienced it all -- herself.
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