people have an uncanny ability to destroy every relationship they have
& YOUR BREAKUP'
by Tigress Luv and by Glass
Slipper Publishing (You may join our mailing list by clicking here)
have an uncanny ability to destroy every relationship they have been
in. They tend to latch on to partners quickly, feel completely
devastated or destroyed after a breakup, and feel empty and lost
outside of a relationship. Although there are many, many books out
there that attempt to explain the motives of codependent people, I have
never found one that actually describes the reason behind what they do
to my satisfaction! Sooooo, let me try to explain my theory *smiling* (just shut up and bear with me here LOL!... ;) )
As pack animals we are all
somewhat codependent. But when codependency becomes the overriding
force in a person's life they begin to do the exact opposite of what
they honestly believe their goal is. Where most codependents think they
are sacrificing themselves for everyone around them, what they are
actually doing is distancing themselves and emotionally withdrawing
from those around them, so cocooned they are in themselves and their
own feelings of injustice. They end up having little value to their
partners, instead of being the 'irreplaceable' mate they believe they
To contradict a lot of books on
the subject of codependency I am going to go out on a limb here and
give my analysis of codependency: A codependent
person—although it may appear that they are over-conscious and
over-aware of others—in reality are only conscious of their
own role in others' livesand not with the actual
other person themselves. Because they so desperately need to keep their partner in their lives they become hypervigilant to their
partner's actions, moods and needs.
The codependent pre-occupies
themselves with others' emotional well-being and feelings only to
see what their own status is to that other person, and how
they fit in that person's life. If their partner is unhappy,
surely that must mean that they are standing on crumbling ground and
their whole world could come crashing down around them at any minute...
or so they believe. Although the experts seem to claim that a
codependent person is overly reactive and involved in others' moods,
feelings, and emotional being, they actually are more astute to
anothers' moods, feelings, and emotions only when it 'directly relates
back to themselves' so that they may analyze the role they
play in that person's life.
Thusly, many codependents have
an intense need for acceptance, and validation of the fact that 'who
they are' is good enough (translation: 'keepable'). They can be more
selfish and self-involved then fiercely
independent people are, as they are so engrossed in the role they play
in other people's lives that they become obsessed with others' moods
and well-being only as
it relates to they, themselves.
thing about codependency is that when you are so focused only on
another they become focused only on themselves, too." ~Tigress Luv
to give and give. Ironically, they are only so giving because they want
to be able to 'receive' back. Basically, a codependent gives for two
Reason One: to cause 'self-pity' for the reason of being able to
embrace, nurture, and love themselves
Reason Two: to cause 'manipulation' of those around
them for the reason of being able to feel safe and
secure in their relationship and their role status in other people's
By letting go of our need to
'fit' into others' lives, and by feeling good enough about ourselves to
ask ourselves whether others shall be good enough to 'fit' into ours,
do we become more valuable partners, and find a greater happiness
Step Breakup Recovery in the Lifted Hearts Breakup Support Community**
* We admitted we
were powerless over changing others' actions or choices, that our lives
have become our own to manage solely.
* Came to believe that
only in letting go of others, and giving others back to themselves,
could we restore ourselves to wholeness.
* Made a decision to
turn toward our trust and our faith that we will be okay, no matter
what, we have now turned our lives over to the belief that all things
happen for a reason.
* Took an
inner-reflection of ourselves, and, upon admitting our own flaws and
faults, have found forgiveness for ourselves.
* Acknowledged our
anger towards those who have hurt us, and, realizing that all humans
have the right to error and to their own personal happiness, we have
forgiven those who have hurt us.
* Realized that we can
control our emotions, and diminish the pain in our lives, simply by how
we react to the cause of the pain and our attitude toward it.
Understood that we can control our amount of pain by controlling the
outlook we have towards any given situation; by learning to 'act'
instead of 'react'.
* Sought through the
unity of the Lifted Hearts Breakup Support Group to find trust and
faith that we will heal.
* Sought to have a
greater spirituality and faith in this awakening.
* Made the conscious
effort to 'let go' of others and give them back to themselves.
* Took a renewed
interest in ourselves and our lives, and made the conscious decision to
be the best that we can be.
* Admitted that we are
not perfect, nor is anybody else, and have found peace in this
* Resisted the
temptation to transform our desires and wants into cravings and needs.
Nothing is harder on the codependent type
personality than letting go of a broken relationship and just walking
away. For more join the Lifted Hearts Breakup Support group at http://liftedhearts.com .
Today's Inspiration, Poem
"For crissake, please get down off that cross--someone might
need the wood!"
Prayer or Thought:
by Tigress Luv
let me see that my hurting and pain is a way of showing me I have
insecurities that I need to work on. To heal my insecurities is to heal
my pain. Today let me find strength
and courage within the Lifted Hearts Community to face my insecurities
and fears and know that I don't have to look toward another to sooth
let me relax and feel safe in knowing that sometimes in life the worst
that happens to us are often miracles in disguise. Today let me find strength and courage
within the Lifted Hearts Community to let go of what is behind me and
look with anticipated joy to what magic and wonderful mystery the
future may have in store.
let me hear my cries. Let me pray for the strength to step away from
denial and live my life in forward. Today
I pray for freedom through truth. Truth liberates, heals, and
transforms. Today let me find strength and courage within the Lifted
Hearts Community to stop looking for happiness in things that may or
may not come true.
let me remember that forgiveness is something I do for me. To forgive
is to admit that all people are human and humans make mistakes. Today let me find strength and courage
within the Lifted Hearts Community to forgive those who have wronged me.
let me feel the warm light of dawn. Let the light show me that each day
deserves to be a new day. Today let
me find strength and courage within the Lifted Hearts Community to stop
living my life in reverse.
let me understand that if I am to be without hope I am to be without a
part in my life's plan. Today let
me find strength and courage within the Lifted Hearts Community to
admit my role in my own misery, be it that of victim or that of
let me touch the hearts of those who love me by admitting to my own
pre-occupation with myself lately. Today
let me find strength and courage within the Lifted Hearts Community to
let go of ego and give the gift of love back to those who love me.
let me see.
Today let me relax.
Today let me hear.
Today let me remember.
Today let me feel.
Today let me understand.
Today let me touch.
a reminder that our Breakup
Support Forums & Community has room for you!
Membership is only $19 to YOU at http://liftedhearts.com !
Thank you for reading this week's newsletter! As always, we welcome
feedback and new ideas for future newsletters.
Have a great week everyone!
Tigress Luv and
Glass Slipper Publications
published by Tigress Luv & Glass Slipper publishing, the Breakup Gurus. For more
breakup advice and forums please join us at the Lifted Hearts Breakup
Support Forums & Community at http://liftedhearts.com.
Stop your breakup here!