Will Women EVER Be
Happy With Their Men? How Women Chase Their Men Away
A common problem between the sexes is the way each views their
As a woman I have noticed that my female friends rag more than brag
about their men, or men in general, and they do this in almost every
conversation. Men don't do this! Why? Well, some would say it is
because men don't discuss their personal lives, their feelings, their
emotions, or their intimate relationships. But that's not true! So why
is it that women rag about their men, and men talk about sports, tell
jokes, and discuss things—anything—other than their
relationships, or women in general?
Because men don't focus inside, they focus outside. Men see the world
around them—women feel the world within them.
Women are very emotional
creatures (don't you just love 'em?). Men see the world through reason
and logic—they systemize,
while women feel the world through emotions and feelings—they empathize.
Women have always been credited with having an inordinate amount of
intuition, or 'gut feelings', but it really is just a heightened
awareness of their 'feeling' senses, being so emotionally in tune to
everything around them.
I remember years ago taking part in a witness accuracy test. The
'Witness Test' was an attempt to test the reliability of witness's
testimony in the courtroom, or related to the law at the actual scene
of the crime. The test consisted of a film and a questionnaire. The
film was a short clip of a crime taking place. They showed the film to
both men and women, then they passed out the 'Witness Questionnaire'.
The questionnaire had various questions about the scene, such as what
color shirt was the man wearing; how tall was the man; any tattoos;
facial features, such as did he have facial hair, or a big nose; what
was his body build; what state was the license on the car registered
to; etc; as well as place for the person to write a brief report
describing what he or she had witnessed. Invariably the men scored very
high in given accurate details—but the women, ugh! They remembered feelings and emotions... "I felt frightened" "He was
sweating" "The victim was crying" "It all happened so fast, but I think
he looked very mean" "She was scared, I wanted to hold her and comfort
her" "I felt sorry for her"...
....Women feel or sense the world around them and men watch or observe the world around them...
....That's why women's emotional needs are very, very high, and why men may 'notice' these needs, but they notice it purely
on an 'observer' level, and not on an understanding or empathetic level.
the most part, though, men tend to deal with their unpleasant emotions
by—not denial—but by looking beyond them, whereas
women get caught up in the web of emotions. A good example of what I am
getting at is in these quotes: "The rung of a ladder was never
meant to rest upon, but only to support you long enough to enable you
to reach for something higher" (by Thomas Henry Huxley). This
quote is suitable for men. Not for women! Here would be a more defined
quote for a woman: "Life is not advancement. It is growth. It
does not move upward, but expands outward, in all directions."
(by Russell G. Alexander). See, women aspire to go 'deeper' whereas men
aspire to reach 'higher'. Success to a woman is to delve inward,
explore, and then take this exploration outward and touch the world around her. Success to a
man would be to see higher and not let anything inward or outward impede his upward climb. Women need to delve inward to see outward (translate to feel). Women sense their environment.
Men need to look beyond and upward in order to envision their summit
(translate to see). Men envision their environment.
A man's number one priority is to achieve status, which he needs
independence in order to achieve. Whereas, opposing that, a woman's
number one priority is to achieve involvement, which she needs
connectivity in order to achieve. This creates an ongoing battle
between the sexes.
problem arises when women obsess over the details of a man's
actions and behavior. Women's ever-rationalizing minds are
always trying to make things more significant than they really are.
They are continuously looking for certain patterns, reasons, and
explanations to everything man does, and they put an over abundance of
importance to each word said, falsely believing that man's every action
means something significant and profound. This is why they sometimes
mistake something a man does as a 'sign' that something is amiss in his
life, with his feelings for her, or in their relationship itself. A
simple afternoon of him going off fishing to her may mean that he
doesn't want to be around her, or that he is unhappy in the
relationship—but to him, hey, he just went fishing. Whereas she is at
home dwelling, and obsessing, and fearing over his 'motives' to go
fishing, he is just out 'fishing'. By the time he gets back from
fishing she is waiting for him, all emotional—possibly either sad or
angry. She may even request that they have a 'talk' about their
relationship 'problems', and this utterly confuses him. What problems?
He didn't know they had problems! And then he starts complaining, as
all men do, that women are too 'emotional', and she will start
complaining, as all women do, that men are insensitive.
a man's relationship just 'exists' to him. It's just 'there'. He
doesn't have to think about it, he doesn't need to dwell on it, and he
definitely doesn't feel the need to 'analyze' it to death. But
she does. Her relationship is her whole world and so she must make sure it is perfect. So she obsesses and dwells and
analyzes and scrutinizes and examines and worries and so on and so
on—to its death. She can't ever just 'let it be'.
a man a relationship is just something that he is in,
not doing or having. To a woman
her relationship takes on an entity of its own. It becomes a living,
breathing appendage of her, much like an offspring would be, and she
must watch it very carefully and tend to it constantly to keep her
A funny thing happens while she is obsessing over him and their
relationship, and possibly—out of fear—reading simple things like his
fishing one afternoon, as a sign that things are going wrong. She
starts to feel like it's all falling apart! So she then begins to feel
'incomplete', unattractive, and insecure. Another funny thing happens,
too, when a woman obsesses and dwells over her partner and her
relationship: The more she dwells on it, the more 'power' she gives
both to her partner and to her relationship. And
then the more dependent she becomes on them. When
something begins to have so much power (to her), she thinks of it as
being far more important to her survival than it really is. This
dependency—coupled with her feelings of incompleteness,
unattractiveness, and insecurity—causes her to become needy and clingy,
and constantly unhappy with the relationship... whereas she then starts
striving to 'fix' him or their relationship. Which, ironically, can
often times be the actual cause and true onset of relationship
problems. Most men will not be too happy with a partner that
lacks self-esteem and is too dependent; needy; suffocating; clingy;
insecure; complaining; or emotionally volatile. These are
men's biggest turn-offs!
what does she do if she does get a good man? Out of fear of losing him,
she becomes hypervigilant to him. She starts finding faults and flaws
in him and begins her 'fixing' program. She feels that more
power will be added to her self-esteem and ego if she can 'fix' him. Thus, the huge attraction to the 'bad boy' image. So now we know that
most women do obsess over their men, and their relationships, and that
therefore they have a constant need to fix and improve their men. But
what really is happening here is that basically, and unknowingly, she
is giving out the signal to her man that she is 'unhappy' with him, and
that who he is isn't good enough; or that he is wrong; bad; flawed; or
faulty. So now we have a man who is with a women that is not only 'over
emotional', but also needy, nagging, clingy, and telling him that who
he is is wrong! And she let's him know that she is
unhappy. Unfortunately, a man's primary relationship goal is to keep
his women happy! Her unhappiness makes him feel even more
like a failure—when he is around her!
many women are lacking in self-esteem it is mostly
because women feel they need to be in a relationship with a perfect and doting man in order to be 'successful' in their
lives. They need these two things to feel good about themselves and
their 'achievements'. Unfortunately, nobody has ever told them that
they really don't need a man to feel good about themselves, they just
need to become more aware of—and in control of—their emotions.
that, my friends, is how some women chase their men away.
more information about attracting a man and making him fall in love please read Man Magnet by Tigress Luv
published by Tigress Luv & Glass Slipper publishing, the Breakup Gurus. For more
breakup advice and forums please join us at the Lifted Hearts Breakup
Support Forums & Community at http://liftedhearts.com.
Stop your breakup here!