1: If the two of you have children together, keep in mind that you will be in touch with each other until one of you dies. Never let your children see hostility, animosity, or any other bad feeling flow between you and your ex. Do not exchange unkind words with your ex in front of the children, and do not force your children to take sides. Never speak bad of your ex to your children! Your children have the right to reap the benefits of a joyous childhood.

2. The way you handle your breakup will make a huge impact on the rest of your life, and on any other future relationships you may have. If you have strong feelings of worthlessness, anger, resentment, hopelessness, or the inability to accept the breakup, professional counselling may be necessary to help you cope with and understand these emotions. 

3. Realize that you are in complete control of your responses and emotions to any situation. You have the ability to control your 'actions', simply by not allowing them to become 'reactions'.

4. Allow your grief to happen. Grief is not something you get over, it is something you get through. Cry if you feel sad. Punch your pillow. Call your mother, your best friend, or a close colleague and wail away. They'll understand.

5. Understand that most of your grief comes from the death of the dream of 'forever'. Replan your future and set some new and realistic goals to strive for.

6. Don't rush into dating again. When you were in your relationship you gave 'pieces' of yourself to your mate and to your relationship. Wait until you have regained all your pieces back before thinking about giving of yourself again in another relationship. Additionally, don't introduce new dates to your children right away. Make sure you have a solid relationship with another person before bringing them into your home and introducing them to your children. Children feel loss, too.

7. If you are getting a divorce, try to talk with your soon-to-be-ex regarding divorce settlements and visitation rights outside of your lawyers. Peaceful arrangements are much more rewarding to both you, your ex, and your children, than long, drawn-out  and bitter divorces.

8. Take good care of your health. I remember looking in the mirror a couple of months after my breakup and being shocked by the Zombie staring back at me. As hard as it may be at this trying time, please try to eat healthy, get adequate rest, and plenty of exercise.

~by Tigress Luv

For more information about getting over the pain of breakup, please read How to Get Over a Breakup, by Tigress Luv, the Breakup Guru.

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