Break Up FAQ's
By Tigress Luv and Glass Slipper Publishing, The
Break Up Gurus
AM I SUCH AN EMOTIONAL WRECK?
Suffering the loss of
a love is a true emotional crisis. Emotional abandonment can be as
painful as grief over death, perhaps even more. This grief can burrow
deep within us where it undermines our self esteem, wreaking havoc on
our lives and even interfering with future relationships if left
unchecked. This can happen when we don't learn how to properly handle
the intense feelings that abandonment and rejection can have on us.
unrequited love can create a very deep and personal wound. It
undermines our sense of self worth and destroys our security. We may
feel intense feelings of panic, anxiety, hopelessness, longing,
isolation, self-blaming, anger, resentment, helplessness, unworthiness,
Leaving a narcissist creates its own special set of emotional
difficulties. To read up about narcissists and why it's so difficult to
let go of a relationship with a narcissist, please visit Breaking Up
With Your Narcissist.
SICK TO MY STOMACH. IS IT NORMAL TO FEEL
Well, sure! Your heart is broken! Your body
reacts physically to almost any - in fact, to just about all -
emotional pain. Your head pounds. Your pulse rate quickens. Your
stomach turns. You lose your appetite one minute and eat a half of a
gallon of Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream the next. You oversleep, suffer
from insomnia, or have nightmares. You have cramps, nausea, and
dizziness. You¹re edgy with friends and family, hyper-vigilant to the
most innocent of remarks, and absolutely consumed with obsessive
thoughts of your lost loved one. The thought of going to work, going
out with friends, or even getting out of bed is mortifying! Your body
may ache all over and you may feel like you just ran a marathon.
MUST I GO THROUGH THIS PAIN?
Feelings of hopelessness, panic, anxiety, depression, and even -
especially - desperation are normal in the initial stages of a break
up. Thankfully, these intense feelings gradually reverse through your
journey of personal growth and recovery. It is necessary to go through
these emotions and work through your grief systematically. You cannot
by-pass, skip over, or get around grief. You have to go through grief
in order to release it.
I TURN TO?
Friends and family, although well-meaning, soon become bored and uneasy
with your constant moaning and whining. And face it, you are moaning
and whining! They get frustrated when they have offered you their
opinions and advice, and you chose to not follow it. Unfortunately,
their well-meaning opinions are usually, 'he was such a jerk - get over
him, already!' or 'she was a liar and a cheat - you can do so
some people going through a painful break up will seek for temporary
solutions to kill their pain. These can be very self-damaging and
harmful methods such as drugs, alcohol, or even a one-night stand. Some
will (I, for one) even go as far as getting emotionally addicted to
their grief - using it as a sort of 'rebound relationship'. Depression
is also very common.
shouldn't be yours alone to handle. Counselling, therapy, and recovery
groups are available to help you. Our very own Lifted Hearts
Breakup Support Forums & Community(http://liftedhearts.com)
is a great recovery support group that connects you with others who are
either going through the devastation of a break up, on the road to
recovery, or well past the bridge and have happily and thankfully fully
recovered and moved on. Our communities there, and our support boards,
will help you along the way, pointing out and identifying rough bumps
on that road and holding your hand all the way.
their forums are
available to you as encouragement throughout your troubled times, and
as a life-long friend forever after that. Your neighbors there provide
unprecedented support and guidance, along with insightful techniques
and tricks for overcoming your heartache. Add a huge dose of compassion
and understanding and that's what makes up our wonderful communities.
We know the agony of losing someone you love.
MORE frequently asked questions about breakups and recovery from breaking up, by the Breakup Gurus follow....
MEANT TO BE ALONE?
Some of us attract, or seem to be attracted to, emotionally dangerous
or unavailable partners. You may believe your chronic break up history
may have to do with you being unlovable, unattractive, emotionally
unstable, or unworthy of a respectful and loving mate. Unfortunately,
some of us do subconsciously choose mates that will verify these
feelings in us. It's almost as though we are looking for constant
feedback of these low self-esteem feelings. Perhaps we are somewhat
addicted to false values, searching for security outside of ourselves,
mistaking our worth based on that of having a partner, or even that of
unrealistic childhood dreams and adolescent idealisms.
Take this time
now to reflect back over your relationships and see if you aren't
consistently attracted to those who may be emotionally unavailable (a
challenge), or those who need fixing, have addictions, or other
emotional problems and issues. The problem may not be that you are
meant to be alone, but rather that you need to learn that you are
worthy and whole with or without a partner, and then make the conscious
decision to be more selective in your choice of future mates.
Until you can get
an understanding of yourself and what motivates you, you may be
destined to be chronically heartbroken.
THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME?
Sometimes we carry issues with us from the past that interfere with our
everyday life, our relationships, and our overall happiness. For a much
more in debt look at this theory, read the eBook, How to Get Over a
Breakup (http://overabreakup.com).You may
find how earlier losses, abandonments, rejection, and disappointments
may be interfering with your healing process. You might find that you
are maybe racked in pain from past events that you no longer even
You may feel like
you are always on the outside looking in. Or feel trapped in a
loneliness you did not consciously choose, forced to always feel like
you are singled out for misery. Maybe you believe you're just plain
incapable of being in a relationship. Maybe your deepest fear is that
you will never find a mate that you can have a healthy relationship
This just simply
isn't so! You are just caught in a pattern of past hurts, a pattern you
can't escape from until you identify its source and listen to yourself.
Our eBook, How
to Get Over a Breakup (http://overabreakup.com), will shed much light on this subject, enabling
to have more healthy future relationships, and recover from the grief
of your current break up.
GET ADDICTED TO MY GRIEF?
Yes! Chronic heartache is usually a sign of emotional hunger, and,
without realizing it, we can become addicted to our grief. It holds our
hand and comforts us, never leaving our side. Grief can actually take
the place of your lost mate in your mind. In a sense you can become
'conditioned' to having your grief always there waiting for you, like a
loving, comforting friend.
THERE A 'QUICK-FIX' METHOD THAT WILL KILL THIS HORRIBLE PAIN?
No. You may numb it, but you can't hide from it. There are things that
will make us feel temporarily better, but grief will still remain. You
need to feel your grief in order to release it. You can't skip over it,
pass it up, or pretend to be okay. Many have tried to self-medicate
their hurt and emptiness by food, alcohol, drugs, sex, shopping,
smoking, revenge, friends, socializing, television, sleeping, and
therapy. Grasping at methods to avoid your grief only makes your grief
seem more in control of you, instead of you in control of it. Feeling
your grief is the best way to 'fix' it..
anger, and resentments can keep you emotionally attached to the pain.
You must find forgiveness in your heart for both yourself and those who
have hurt you, either deliberately or unintentionally.
I FIND FORGIVENESS FOR SOMEONE WHO HURT ME SO?
Forgiveness is for you, not for them. They may never even
know you have forgiven them! Forgiveness is just in letting
others go and giving them the human right to be 'wrong'. Forgiveness is
not in saying, 'you hurt me - but that's okay', it is in saying, 'you
hurt me and that isn't okay, but I forgive you anyway because you are
only human and humans make mistakes.'
also about you. Forgive yourself your own role in your break up. You
are human, you messed up - big deal! Haven't we all messed up? Painful lessons we learn in life are actually rewards we get
paid in the end.
GOOD TO CRY?
Of course! Otherwise why would we have that great ability to cry and
release our sorrows and embrace our souls. Not only is crying good for
you, it releases a chemical in our brain that actually acts as a muscle
relaxant. If we deny our grief and repress our feelings they often
surface in other self-destructive ways, such as anger, rage,
overeating, drugs, alcohol, sex, smoking, depression,
emotional-indifference, or the inability to have healthy relationships
in the future. That's a lot of self-imprisoning just to avoid a few
minutes of tears! It actually takes more courage and bravery to feel
hurtful feelings and grief, than to not. Allowing and acknowledging our
pain is a very brave thing to do.
If, however, you
feel your pain is over-extended or out-of-control, you may excel your
healing as well as gaining emotional benefits in seeking help from
outside sources, such as therapy, counselling, friends,
family, co-workers, or joining a support group, such as our wonderful Lifted Hearts
CAN I SAVE MY RELATIONSHIP
AND GET MY PARTNER BACK?
Of course it's possible! All is not lost, but the trick is to know how to do it. Often times we do the complete opposite of what we should
when trying to regain a lost love. What we end up doing is pushing them
even farther away - exactly what we didn't want! To learn more about
the techniques needed to stop or undo a breakup visit the website, how
to Stop a Breakup (http://stopabreakup.com). It has helped hundreds and hundreds of
people save their relationships and regain their partner's love, and it
may help you, too!
Also, you may want to find out why you were dumped to begin with!
Otherwise, getting back together may just be a short interlude from
being terminally single. For men there is information here (http://thedumped.com) on Why
Women Dump Men, and also for men there is great information
on why women are disloyal at Why
Women Cheat (http://whywomencheat.com) and why
women like the bad boy here (http://whywomenlovebastards.com).
For women they can find out here (http://manmagnet.net) what, exactly, makes a man attracted to them and
want to stay with them.
And for those involved with a commitment phobic partner, you'll find
tips on how to get
a commitment, plus eye-opening and insightful information about your CP (that even they don't know!) here (http://commitmentphobia.net). Why get back together if you're just
going to break up again?
published by Tigress Luv & Glass Slipper publishing, the Breakup Gurus. For more
breakup advice and forums please join us at the Lifted Hearts Breakup
Support Forums & Community at http://liftedhearts.com.
Stop your breakup here!