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Daily Break Up Inspiration - Denial and Acceptance

Daily Break Up Inspiration
by Tigress Luv, The Breakup Guru, Taken from http://dailybreakupinspirations.com/

(You may read Tigress Luv's advice on Winning an Ex Back here, or Getting Over a Broken Heart and Mending from a Breakup here)

“Hope is the denial of reality.” ~Margaret Weis

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  Denial. We all have it to one extent or another. Some of us are extreme in our capacity of carrying around denial; others of us have it to a lesser degree, but still possess the ability to deny certain facts. My father used to call denial ‘selective reasoning’. If someone was in denial about something he would say that they were practicing ‘selective reasoning’. Let’s just say that denial is simply showing a ‘selective reality’, shall we?

Most of mankind’s grief is caused by denial, which simply translates to a lack of ‘acceptance’. Ironically, there is much peace to be found in ‘acceptance’, even though the thing we are accepting may not be a very good thing.
Denial should not be confused with ‘ignorance’. Denial is our way of not accepting something that is too painful for our coping skills, whereas ‘ignoring’ something is another way of learning to accept it and live with it. In this sense, ignorance can be had from ‘acceptance’, but denial can not. Most of our grief is caused by the refusal to accept that of which we do not want to accept.
As an example, let’s take a person who is married to an unfaithful or abusive spouse and who has chosen to stay in the relationship. This person may be in denial, or may simply have chosen to ignore their spouse’s unsavory ways. A person in denial will refuse to see the evidence put forth to them, and may even make excuses for their partner’s poor behavior. They have not learned ‘acceptance’ and therefore these people will be very unhappy. On the other hand, the person who chooses to simply ignore their partner’s bad behavior has learned to accept it. Although not an ideal situation (by any means!), they still will have more happiness in their lives than the person who chose to deny the situation.
For many of us coming out of a breakup, we tend to deny ourselves the peace that can be found in accepting the fact that our relationships are over. Sometimes we do this because acceptance signifies that we must now let go of our ex-partner. Sometimes we do this because we fear ‘change’. And sometimes we just plain are in denial because we have a strong faith and belief in the solidity of our broken relationship. In all instances, I call the denial ‘magical thinking’.
Magical thinking keeps you trapped in the pain.
Denial and acceptance are both a common step in the healing process. Denial occurs in the beginning, painful stages, while acceptance usually occurs in the healing stages and is key to our ability to let go and find peace with moving on.
~Today I will stop being in denial. Today I will make a commitment to face the facts of my situation and learn to accept these facts with grace and candor. While my situation may not be my preferred one, I can find peace in letting go of my denial of it.
Today I will admit my relationship is over. I will stop my magical thinking and let go of my dreams that my life will go a certain way with a ‘certain’ someone.
Just for today I will stop living on wishes and rainbows, believing in unicorns and fairy tales, and I will deal with the reality of truth. It is time to move on. It is over. I will thank God for the gift of having had this relationship and I will accept it as such. Just a gift I got to experience, if only for a short time, and not a promise of a lifelong supply of bliss. Other gifts will come my way, of this I am sure of. ~~
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"I told you I was an asshole; the rest is your fault.” ~Unknown
“Hurt me once, shame on you, hurt me twice, shame on me.” ~Unknown

You will find peace not by trying to escape your problems, but by confronting them courageously. You will find peace not in denial, but in victory.” ~J. Donald Walters

“For every broken heart there is an acceptance that is not recognized by the bearer. Only by accepting our broken status will our heart not seem so broken anymore.” ~Tigress Luv

 

Breakup Inspiration, Denial and Acceptance - Inspiration by Tigress Luv, The Breakup Guru (you may read more of Tigress Luv's advice on Winning an Ex Back here, or Getting Over a Broken Heart and Mending from a Breakuphere)

 




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