Why a Breakup Creates a False Sense
of Neediness In All of Us
When you break up from a romantic and
intimately close relationship, the feelings of confusion, anger, anxiety,
anguish, abandonment, loneliness and worthlessness cloud your mind. You feel
an emotional vacuum or void that pulls you in deeper sorrow and as a result,
a false sense of neediness arises. You want something that can smoothen the
creases of the heart and makes you feel better. The low self-esteem in these
difficult times comes out as an unexplained need.
After a breakup you need something that can
give you a high. Some vent it out by getting some sex via one-nighters; get
into unsuitable rebound relationships; indulge in compulsive food binging;
excessively engage in drugs or alcohol; or go on shopping sprees that would
put Donald Trump in the poor house! The pain is so deeply imbedded in your
soul that it is difficult to accept the fact that the love of your life is
no more a part of your life. As a result, you look for substitutes to take
their place and this feeling translates into a false sense of neediness.
You want something or someone so badly that you don't really stop and ask
why. You just feel this 'urgency' to be pacified, and that creates an illusional
image of your ex being far more important to your life than they actually
are.
The feelings of helplessness, anger, or frustration
result from your inability to win back your mate. You are in fragile state
of mind and want a relief from this unwanted vulnerability wherein people
can see through your mask of emotions.
The
best way to seek revenge from an ex, who cheated on you or dumped you, is
to live well and grow over your sorrows. To accomplish this you need to be
in good company - which is sometimes hard to come by! So, unless you have
a really terrific support network, your empty sense of neediness weighs on
you. You will feel consumed by such an intense yearning to belong 'somewhere'
and a have deep desire to find another relationship - one that soothes you
from the feelings of vulnerability and masks your inability to get on with
your life.
You may feel physically deprived and you may
crave sex badly. A breakup from a physically intimate relationship is worse
because you may not only feel abandoned emotionally but you may also feel
that possibly you did not satisfy your partner physically. Therefore, to
reassure your self-worth to yourself you yearn to get into a new physically
intimate relationship without weighing the repercussions.
Those who binge when they undergo a breakup
are only trying to fill the emotional void by transferring it physically
into the act of eating. The real hunger is of emotions and love - not food.
On the other hand there are those who throw themselves into their work and
set moneymaking as their ultimate escape from misery. This is, again, a way
to fill the gap created by loss of love.
The false sense of neediness is nothing but
our attempt to escape from misery. We do not want to face or accept the reality
and as a result we look for ways that can help us stay away from it. It is
simple denial. By not facing the facts of your relationship breakup, you
are bound to be attached to the emotional pain for a very long time.
For more information about getting over
the pain of breakup, please read How to
Get Over a Breakup, by Tigress Luv, the Breakup Guru.
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