FOR WOMEN: HOW TO ATTRACT A MAN IN ALL THE STAGES OF HIS LIFE


Us poor women. It seems we spend our whole life dreaming of, or in desperate search of, that one thing. That ONE BIG IMPORTANT THING - gaining a man's undying love and devotion. Yes, there is but this ‘one thing’ in most women’s life that gives her life its all valuable ‘reason’ … and that ‘one thing’ is being totally enveloped by the warm glow of love’s flame. Women, deny it all you want, but it is true!

But not so for men. Men look for success, exploration, experiences, discoveries, sports, outside engagements, testing their strength and stamina by overcoming challenges, and aspiring to be more by reaching higher levels of personal achievement – and if they have anytime leftover after all this, then they may let a little love in just to hang around with it for a while.

Women look for 1) devotion from a man, 2) the closeness of an immediate family, and 3) the security of a safe home for all of them.

Now I’m not putting women down! Most every woman I know does have definitive and separate interests outside of a ‘man’! Many, many women are extremely successful; have extensively traveled the world over; have climbed mountains, sailed seas, piloted planes. Women have won high-achievement medals and have reached the very apex of the corporate ladder. Many women have made great discoveries and innovative inventions; farmed and homesteaded on brutal and unforgiving lands; worked for NASA; been top consultants; and have even lead armies and ruled nations.

But were you to ask most of those women whom are successful and/or whom have reached great achievements in their personal life, if they would be willing to give it all up for a family and the love and devotion of one good man and I bet you 90%+ of them would – without hesitation - say “YES!”

Ask a man the same question? Most likely you would get a big, fat “NO!”

See, men aren’t that easy to ‘settle’, and they’re even harder to ‘catch’.

At first, though, they are easy - all you have to be is in the same general area as them at the same time. This all starts about the 1st grade; girls being chased around on the playground by the boys, boys flirting with girls, girls egos being inflated as they coyly and demurely flirt back. Catching a boy's undying admiration and devotion is easy at this age. All you have to do is just show up! You don’t even need to have front teeth :)

Ah, the TEENs
But, life continues on for us young girls – and so does our lifelong quest for that ONE BIG LOVE that can only come from outside our selves. We now hit our teens and we experience what we feel to be our first, real 'love'. But most guys at this age aren't at all ready to 'settle' or 'commit', so eventually we women experience what is to be known as our first, real heartbreak.

20’s
So very soon is it that we then reach our 20’s. By now women’s biological clocks have started ticking and they begin to earnestly seek that ONE TRUE LOVE. But men in their twenties, well…. now...... hmmmm…….

…..not only do they not have a ‘biological clock’, but they do, unfortunately, possess an ‘achievement agenda’.

Let’s just call both the woman’s biological clock and the man’s achievement agenda each ‘Bucket Lists’ for now, shall we?

A woman’s ‘Bucket List’:
1) Find suitable man to father offspring
2) Secure a commitment from this ‘suitor’
3) Bear and raise the continuance of our species
4) Grow a nice garden and decorate the cave in Mauve and Peach, with complimentary accents in a nice Forest or Hunter’s Green
5) Make amends with those I may have wronged
6) Spend more ‘quality time’ with husband
7) Etc.

A man’s ‘Bucket List’:
1) Sail the world over
2) Become president of any place on the planet
3) Win the World Series
4) Discover the cure for the common cold
5) Land on Mars
6) Scale Mt. Everest
7) Taste the dust of every road on my Harley
8) Become Heavyweight Champ
9) Etc.

While the woman’s biological clock starts ticking, a man’s ‘to do’ list starts beckoning him to begin checking-off things on his list.

This means that just about the time a woman is yearning for a man’s committed devotion he is off yearning for his freedom, disconnection and segregation. The man hasn’t ‘experienced’ everything on his ‘bucket list’ yet – and until that time he simply is just not ready to throw out his list, give it all up and 'settle'. He still has exploring left to do and mountains left to climb, and to ‘settle’ and get married and raise kids, represents to him ‘sacrificing’ his life and giving up his dreams.

When women understand this more they might be able to finally understand why men aren’t so much commitmentphobes as much as they just want to be able to take care of their ‘bucket lists’, too – first and foremost.

Likewise, a man doesn’t understand women’s preoccupation with commitment because he can’t understand that her whole, orbiting world consists of just a small, close revolution around her beating heart. He doesn’t understand that a woman’s whole world is only as big or as small as her immediate family, her close personal relationships, and her home and hearth. It basically stops in her backyard. Whereas, since a man’s whole world encompasses the ‘whole world’, he finds it difficult to limit his vision; he can see beyond the backyard.

Yet still a man will ‘settle’ in his twenties; and he will learn some lessons, too. One of those lessons is that sometimes ‘settling’ is a bad thing. Sometimes relationships don’t work out. And sometimes men get the shaft when it comes to a broken relationship. Especially true in his 20s. He gave up his bucket list for her and ended up having nothing to show for it but a ‘loss’. He may have been betrayed. He may have lost his house, or his children. He may have lost his hard-earned money, or his pride and dignity. When a relationship creates a deficit in a man’s life he loses faith in opening up and stops giving of his self to that of another. His heart becomes untrusting and his soul begins to doubt.

30’s
What does he do with his ‘relationship deficit’? Well, this little stash of knowledge he tucks away in the back of his mind somewhere and he then takes his ‘bucket list’ back out and, even though he is in his thirties, he again steps up to bat. He has learned that relationships don’t always end happily and that those adorable, eyelash-batting women aren’t always as cute and dainty and innocent and gentle as they often come on to be. Sometimes they can be cold and hard and bitter and aggressive and assertive and spiteful and cunning and deceptive – and just plain mean.

Still he has the basic human sexual and emotional needs and desires, so he goes back out seeking a woman once again. Only this time he is a little bit more cautious and ‘selective’. After all, he has a lot more to lose this time around. Not just his personal freedom and his well-respected reputation, but also maybe his property – such as a house, car, boat, truck, or bike – or a business, savings, holdings, or investments. He may even have children that he could lose custody of, or visitation rights to, in a divorce.

Quite frankly, he is putting up at stake a lifetime of hard work and personal diligence ... in addition to all those things left to do on his ‘bucket list’.

Yet he still will cave to his desires, and may, once again, give in to the temptations of the heart and ‘settle’. And, this too, may come to an unfortunate and brutal ending. And he may, once again, lose everything he has worked so hard to build.

40’s and Early 50’s
Fortunately, by the time a man reaches his 40’s and into his early 50’s, he really is, indeed, ready to settle. He has either put away his ‘bucket list’ or he has experienced all he has wanted to on it; reaching a certain threshold of success in his career, forming a close circle of loyal buddies, and having challenged himself and won. Either way, he is now able to slow down a little. He is ready to give love one more shot.

But unfortunately, he is finally ready to ‘settle’ just at an age when most women are no longer looking for the ‘picket fence’ commitment anymore. Their biological clocks have already stopped ticking and they now feel that they want ‘more’ than the house, garden and kids. Where the men are finally starting to realize that that’s all they do want, the women are off aspiring to go higher and seek more than the closed intimacy of a committed relationship is going to provide them with. She is searching for more, at long last, but at a time when he is finally searching for less.

Let’s just say that as a result of women’s new needs in her 40’s and 50’s that a man in his 40’s and early 50’s doesn’t always reach a personal satisfaction in his love life with women of the same age. He may experience betrayal, hurt, loss, humiliation, failure, rejection, abandonment, and disrespect. He may be the victim of infidelity or he may have been ‘taken to the cleaners’. He may be left alone, holding the fort down, while she is out burning the midnight oil.

Either way, he will experience an all new heartbreak that is truly unlike any other he has ever felt before. Just as he’s finally ready to give woman what she wants she goes ahead and rips his heart out once again, and in a way unlike any other heartbreak he has ever experienced.

Which leaves us with men in their….

Late 50’s and 60’s
The men in their late 50’s or early 60’s.

By this time man is in one of the following three scenarios:

1. he has been in a good, solid, long-term and committed relationship for many, many years
2. he is a confirmed bachelor, deeply set in his own ways and firmly rooted in a most independent status which is not open to, or comfortable with, the thought of sharing with anyone else
3. he has been so emotionally scarred by a series of bad relationships in his past that he has been ruined to the possibility of any 'serious' relationships either in his present or his future time

If you are involved with the man in scenario Number 1 then you should realize that he is very settled and highly unlikely to leave his wife. So if you are having an affair with this man, trust me when I say, “he ain’t evah gonna leave her for you, girlfriend!”

Sorry to be so harsh, but that’s the truth of the matter. So let him go, give him back to himself, cry you a river – and move on. He’s not yours, he never was yours, and he never will be yours.

If you are involved with the man in scenario Number 2 it should be obvious that this man is adamantly single and that he doesn’t know any other way to be. He is used to living and doing only for himself and doing things only in his way, and he isn’t about to learn how to share his home and his life with anybody else in this late stage of the game.

If you are with the man in scenario Number 3 then you should be aware of the fact that these types of men are to be much likened to that of tortoises. What they show the world – no, make that ALL they show the world – is this hardened, tough, impenetrable outer shell. A shell which they so successfully can hide behind that even they, them selves, can’t connect with their inner most being anymore.

These men have a misconception of love, falsely equating it to personal loss and emotional pain, and this armored shell provides them the protection they need to avoid opening up their hearts, or being at risk of falling in love again; this shell also is used to protect themselves from their very own emotionally vulnerable inner being.

The men in scenario Number 2 and Number 3 tend to sometimes be overly fixated on sex, as they feel that a sexual release is an acceptable way for them to receive their human need for intimate love and closeness - yet still be ‘safe’ from everything else that goes with this need. Translation: Sex allows one to receive a ‘much needed’ human interaction without the risk of being open and receptive to emotions and love.

Both these type of men also tend to see the world as either black or white, too fearful to venture into any gray area where their tough exteriors could be penetrated by emotional receptiveness, spiritual enlightenment (which makes one open and ‘vulnerable’), or even philosophical thought (which may make one feel ‘weak’ and susceptible should they dare to ‘ponder’ or ‘question’).

I know it seriously looks like - no matter what the age of man or woman - that both sexes are in for a rocky road when it comes to cultivating an intimate relationship. But this isn’t always the case. Some couples can reach a happy medium – a fulfilling relationship in which the man helps his women attain her need for a close, devoted connection, yet also one where the woman faithfully allows her man to reach his need for estrangement and personal achievements and acquisitions.

WHAT MAKES A WOMAN ATTRACTIVE
So what can women do to help a man reach this need? Well, women should know that the best tool she has available in her toolbox is ‘trust’. She needs to sit back, let her man take the wheel, and just ‘trust’ him. She needs to not lose her femininity by trying to control or steer the relationship in one direction or another, but rather just let it flow and trust that she will be all right, no matter what. She needs to trust in him and trust in the fact that her man would never knowingly let anything hurt her or harm their relationship.

Basically, what a woman needs to do, more than anything, is to just relax and be a woman … To not play the ‘games’ that many women play, and to always remain true to her gender. A woman’s own femininity is the most valuable thing she can use to attract a man and the most appreciated gift she can give any man.

It’s sad that in this world women are sometimes ‘forced’ to abandon their own femininity. More and more financial difficulties and one-parent households leave women no other choice but to abandon their femininity, subdue their weaknesses and to toughen up. They become more aggressive, more assertive, and, unfortunately, end up bitter, angry, and hardened. They eventually lose touch with their soft, vulnerable femininity.

If it’s been a long time since you and your natural femininity were acquainted it’s high time that the two of you got reacquainted.

“What?” YOU ask me… “What? No playing games? No feigning hard-to-get? No coming on as a successful, self-sufficient and self-dependent woman? No flirting? I can truly just relax and be myself and still attract a man?”

That’s right - no games needed, girlfriend!

Yes it’s true that men may ‘initially’ be attracted to those who play ‘hard-to-get’ or to the strong and successful ‘independent’ woman, and here’s why...
     *Men are ‘initially’ attracted to women that ‘play hard to get’ because men are naturally stimulated and intrigued by competition, challenge, and finding solutions (just read their ‘Bucket Lists’!)
     * Men are equally attracted to the strong, independent woman because they feel a subconscious relief from the pressure of having to ‘support’ a helpless, dependent or needy woman

But men truly stay with and adore a happy woman that is completely comfortable in her own femininity.

A truly feminine woman is charming, delicate, graceful, trusting, gentle, refined, accepting, respectful, soft-spoken, loving, receptive, and sexy. A truly feminine woman can be in complete connection with her real womanhood whether in jeans or black leather, hunting boots or camouflage, or frilly lace or silk. She can be completely feminine whether sitting at a desk in the Oval Office or tending to the flowers in her garden. It is not in how she dresses, her career, or her makeup, but rather in how she graces the room when she walks in.

She isn’t demanding, complaining, loud, controlling, dominant, bitchy, vulgar, snobby, crass, hard, bitter, angry, aggressive, closed off, distrustful, bossy, non-accepting, or argumentive. And - no matter how hot or feminine she looks or dresses - a woman cannot hide these ugly characteristics for very long. Ugly always burns through.

A man that isn’t in touch with his own masculinity is always evident – even if he is dressed in lumberjack threads or packing a gun and being escorted by pit bulls. Likewise, a woman who has lost touch with her femininity wouldn’t be able to hide the fact by wearing a camisole or tucking a fragrant flower behind her ear.

Like the saying goes, “You can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig” (and NO, that expression wasn't invented just for Obama!) ….

Comparatively, you truly can’t hide the lack of femininity with cosmetics and lace. And at the same time you can’t hide true, soft femininity behind a hard helmet and steel-toed boots. True femininity is a delicate gift that will always fill a man’s senses and make him feel complete, no matter how it presents itself.

And that, girlfriend, is what attracts a man at any age!

***

How much of your femininity or masculinity did your last relationship 'steal' from you? I bet it is far more than you are even aware of! You men out there can find an excellent resource for rediscovering your attractive manliness at http://whywomenlovebastards.com and you women (until I find my ebook, 'Damsel in Disguise') can find great advice for regaining your charming femininity and becoming attractive again at http://winbacktheirattraction.com.

Section 2

Today's Inspiration, Poem or Quote:

"Never under-estimate pain. Whenever someone speaks to me of their pain, I want to say, "yeah, and so....?", but of course I don't. I mean, why take away their only joy?" ~Tigress Luv

This Week's Prayer or Thought:

"The Love of Another Cannot Fix Our Own Wrongness

'Love' is not a fix for our own wrongness. We have to find the wounds within ourself and listen to them. When we can eliminate the wrongness within ourself we can feel free from the obsessive love we give to our partners.

This month let us understand that only we can make ourselves feel whole. Another person may enhance upon our personality, but needn't be there to give it definition and meaning." ~ Tigress Luv, The Break Up Guru.

Just a reminder that our Brokenheartsville Community has room for you! Membership is only $19 to YOU at http://brokenheartsville.com !

Thank you for reading this week's newsletter! As always, I welcome feedback and new ideas for future newsletters.

Have a great week everyone!

Tiggy

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For more information about getting over the pain of breakup, please read How to Get Over a Breakup, by Tigress Luv, the Breakup Guru.

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