Growth? Is it achievable?
unfortunately we, and we alone, often stand in our way of personal
growth. We deny, avoid, blame, hide, and postpone our way to happiness.
Quit denying that you have a problem.
Don't hide your problem in alcohol or drugs, or fake a smile. Don't
think that your mild depression is simply because the weather is
gloomy, or your car needs tires.
The funny thing about denial is when
it sees itself, it denies it. By denying that you have a real problem -
or issues that need to be corrected and dealt with - you are
essentially being self-protective, taking a defensive action to avoid
admitting that you are not perfect.
It is in this stage that we often feel
'anger' towards another person. If we can successfully abolish our own
shortcomings and blame it all on somebody else then we have denied
having a problem, and we can deny that we are the
ones that need fixing and that our issues are the ones that
Sometimes we do
admit we have a problem, but either place the blame for the problem on
somebody else, "I
wouldn't be so controlling if they weren't so distancing,"
or we pretend helplessness to fixing our problems and bettering
ourselves. We tell ourselves things like, "I can't change my neediness
because I am just not intelligent enough to be self-sufficient","I tried to
take better care of myself once but my lifestyle is just too hectic and
I need to smoke/drink to relax", or "I really want to find happiness
but how can I be happy when he/she refuses to change their ways?"
We have mistakenly blamed others for our unhappiness, or taken a
defeatist and helpless attitude towards improving or changing
ourselves. We become self-righteous, pointing the blame at
circumstances, outside influences, or helplessly being without options.
When people are stuck in this self-righteous stage they are at the most
unhappiest point in their life. As long as they are
blaming circumstances, or others, for their unhappiness then their
unhappiness will continue and they will never learn that it is up to
them to change - not up to the world to change.
Another problem is when we encounter
both acceptance and responsibility, but postpone doing anything about
it. "Yes, I know I am
insecure, but until I lose weight I can't feel good about myself and I
just am too busy now to start a diet. I'll wait until after the
holidays." Although postponing some of our problems to be
dealt with at a later date can stop us from becoming overwhelmed by the
enormity of it all, it is not good to get stuck in the procrastination
stage. We just keep postponing and postponing personal happiness.
(Improving yourself after a breakup and break up growth, by the Breakup Gurus continue below.....)
By breaking up our goals for personal
growth and self-improvement into smaller steps they are more easily
accomplished. Instead of saying I have to lose forty pounds, which can
seem overwhelming, say to yourself. "My goal is to lose 5 pounds
this month." Or, instead of saying I have to quit this
nowhere job and get a better one, say to yourself, "I think I'll take a few night
courses in business management. That should be fun and enlightening."
Small changes, baby steps, and reachable goals are much more easily
attained and administered than overwhelming, consuming jobs. When we
catastrophize our problems they seem consuming and unapproachable.
Resolving to let go of our issues is a
huge step in improving our overall health and happiness. To let
go of an issue means to stop denying and acknowledge that it
does exist; to stop blaming others for it; to stop postponing facing
it; to stop catastrophizing; and to accept it, justify it, and then let
it go. "Yes, I do
have insecurities but that is because as a child I was
abandoned/rejected by my father/mother. Of course that would make one
grow up to feel inferior! But right now I am going to let my
insecurities go because I am a worthy human being. I give my parent's
to him/her and totally accept myself. I forgive myself for my
shortcomings and I forgive those who I believe have caused me pain.
After all, we are just humans and human's make mistakes."Article
published by Glass Slipper publishing, the Breakup Gurus. For more
breakup advice and forums please join us at the Lifted Hearts Breakup
Support Forums & Community at http://liftedhearts.com.