'3 QUICK STAGES OF A NARCISSISTIC-BASED RELATIONSHIP'
Tigress Luv, the Breakup Guru

Stage 1. Meeting the narcissist (Being 'Born'):

The narcissist comes off as a very charming man. In fact, he is just too good to be true. He will entrance and hypnotize you with visions of his grandeur. He will have just SO MANY things in common with you that you will be reeling with a fairy tale-like enchantment. He will be just perfect for you; magically matching you to a tee. Amazingly, your likes and interests are, uncannily, his likes and his interests, too! The two of you are perfect together. A match made in Heaven! (Can you say 'beguiled'?)

He will tell you horror stories of his ex. How they were all psycho. How they all had affairs. How they all would go crazy on him. How they all liked to spend money. How horrible all 'their' children were. How they all would play psychological games with his head. And how he was 'oh-so perfect' and above them and these crazy acts of theirs.

He will then add how much BETTER you are than they were. How he wished he had met you first. How 'normal' you are compared to his exes. How every little thing you do is beautifully special - how it is so unlike any thing he has ever had before with a woman. YOU ARE JUST SO WONDERFUL! He will excite you with compliments and place you high on a pedestal almost from day one. He will tell you how wonderful, yet mistreated he was. And he has 'catch-phrases': "I am standing in the light of truth." "I would rather live in a cardboard box." "She was never happy; she was mean and bitter." Trust me, all his exes heard this in the beginning, too.

He will stretch his worth. If he lived off of his exes for years, and was employed cleaning toilets for one summer out of all those years, he will stretch his achievements from one summer to twenty years, and his janitorial position from that of cleaning toilets to that of 'managing' an entire company's maintenance department. If he never contributed a dime to the financial responsibility of the union he will act like everything was his and she 'stole' it from him (yet never will he be able to explain to you how he could have 'afforded' any of it since he only works out of necessity - and that is when he is in between relationships).

Stage 2. The relationship with the narcissist (Being 'Suspended'):

Once the relationship starts to get established you will notice little things about him that don't quite measure up. He starts to get 'overly defensive' and sometimes seems overly hypersensitive to simple innocent things that he perceives as insults. He talks endlessly about himself. He only wants to hear your voice when you are praising him. He isn't ever there for you. He never rejoices in your accomplishments, and he never offers a shoulder in your weak times.

He finds 'socially-hidden' ways to punish you for your slights. Silent treatments. Disaffection. Sexual withdrawal. Emotional battering. Verbal belittling.

He will self-pity himself endlessly, hugging himself and playing the victim. He is never wrong about anything. Just ask him.

He will also start to 'segregate' the two of you, compartmentalizing his life with you, and his life outside of you. He treats you as a rival, getting angry with you if you get more attention than he does when out together socializing. He feels uncomfortable around your peers, and will insult them in any way that he can.

He lives off of you, often throwing you into financial ruin. He'll expect limos and toys. Silks and spurs.

Stage 3. The end of the relationship with a narcissist ('Being 'Killed'):

When the narcissist is finished with you, he simply 'erases' you from his life. He'll lie about you to others to save his face. He will demonize you and ostracize you. His new 'flame' will be awed by his fake charm (that you once fell for) as he quickly puts her up on your old pedestal, removing you completely. You will be astonished how he can so completely delete you from his own reality. He will then make sure that you know that any breakup is war, and both parties must separate only as dire enemies. He will stop at nothing short to be the 'winner' in this war.

The sad thing is you have to watch him destroy another woman, and you can't do anything about it. This is the hardest thing to take.

For more information on the narcissist ex, and to read many more articles on narcissism, please visit my site: http://breakingupwithyournarcissist.com

Section 2

Today's Inspiration, Poem or Quote:

"The narcissist devours people, consumes their output, and casts the empty, writhing shells aside." - Sam Vaknin

"A man who claims all his exes are 'psycho' should ask himself why he lived off of them for years and years and years and years. Wasn't he afraid of being slashed in his sleep by these 'demented' women?" - Tigress Luv

Today's Prayer or Thought:

"Don't over-exaggerate your ex's good points and under-acknowledge their bad. Do not put your ex on a pedestal! The funny thing about being 'dumped' is that we unconsciously build up our ex's worth in our minds. We start to make them into better beings than they really are, erroneously making them to be more powerful and 'needed' influences in our lives. Unfortunately, while we are building them up to Higher Power status in our minds, they are ripping our worth to shreds in order to find the strength to leave us.

This is especially true when we love a narcissist. We mistakenly love the 'false persona' that he or she displays to the general public, or the 'fake charmer' that they were in the beginning, while denying the existence of the very real - and very flawed - man or woman that we see in private.

Today let's make a conscious effort to see our ex in the real light of day. To see that he or she had faults and flaws, and are not quite as deserving of the 'godlike' image our grief has created of him or her in our minds" ~ Tigress Luv, The Break Up Guru.

Just a reminder that our Brokenheartsville Community has room for you! Membership is only $19 to YOU at http://brokenheartsville.com !

Thank you for reading this week's newsletter! As always, I welcome feedback and new ideas for future newsletters.

Have a great week everyone!

Tiggy

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For more information about getting over the pain of breakup, please read How to Get Over a Breakup, by Tigress Luv, the Breakup Guru.

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